DH has been an arse, but how cross should I be?

[SlackRopeWalker]

So.... this evening DH has definitely behaved like an arse, and I have told him so. He's (eventually) been very apologetic. I'm just wondering whether lots of men behave this way from time to time? I'm really pissed off but perhaps I shouldn't be, now that he's said sorry?

9yo DD1 is feeling ill this evening, shivery and in fact turned out to have a fever. She was complaining of feeling cold so I told her to put a cardi on. She went and put a coat on, so I asked DH to get her a cardi instead as she would be more comfortable (I was giving poorly DD2 a cuddle). He stomped off muttering about how annoying it was of her and how he now had to get up. DD1 went over to collect the cardi and take off the coat, which she dropped on the floor. DH picked it up and had a moment of rage about her having dropped it on the floor, shouted at her and threw it at the wall.

She then turned out to have a fever, so I gave her some nurofen in front of DH. We went upstairs and DD2 said she was feeling headachey so I asked DH to find the nurofen for her while I sorted out their pyjamas. When I got back to the bathroom, DH had just given another dose to DD1, rather than giving it to DD2. DD1 became worried so I said I would go and check online to make sure it was OK that she'd had more than the recommended amount, and DH said it was definitely OK and not a problem and got a bit stroppy with me for insisting on going to check.

Anyway, he has now apologised but I am actually really pissed off. I think he behaved in a bullying way to DD1 in the first place, then did not pay proper attention to administering medicine, and then having made a mistake was more concerned with saving face than with making sure DD1 was actually going to be OK. Should I just chill?

No, I'd be really angry! He 100% should not have thrown the coat on the floor. Is DD1 usually messy, or do you think it's just because she's ill? I can understand his irritation if she is always messy, but it is still no excuse to be violent and throw things.

Re the medicine, he should have been more careful, but probaby an honest mistake. (Although, if he hadn't been acting like a stroppy teenager, then perhaps he wouldn't have medicated the wrong child!)

I hope your DCs are better in the morning. If I were you, I'd be expecting him to apologise to DCs as well as to you. No doubt they were upset by his outburst too.

thrown the coat at the wall I meant.

Thanks, glad you would have felt the same way.

I would be having a serious chat about the issues you have raised. It would probably be better not to be too angry - perhaps disappointed would be better. He sounds immature and likely to go on the defensive if you start in harshly.

Throwing a coat at the wall is hardly being violent. He's obviously pissed off about something. There's got to be more to it than you asking him to get a cardi for your daughter? Did something happen earlier? Hard day at work?

wouldbemedic I did have a chat. I told him how upset I was. He was a bit defensive but in the end he was very apologetic.

Adayinthelifeof - no, he went off for a bike ride this morning and then we had lunch with friends. I did suggest that the wine might have shortened his temper, but he denied that....

I was a bit cross that he said it was OK to shout & throw the coat at the wall as it wasn't directed at DD1 - 'I mean, I didn't throw it at her!'

I think it was quite intimidating behaviour but I would have been absolutely horrified if he'd thrown it at her.

It does sound an overreaction by him but there could be something underlying that's helped cause it. The fact he is genuinely apologetic is a good thing and I don't think you should bollock him any further. Maybe ask him if he's ok and what it was all about?

He may just think the kids are taking the nick and being lazy? To be fair I have little sympathy when people are ill. Mainly because I'm self employed and having a day of ill isn't an option. At the same time she's only 9 and a little sympathy from her father wouldn't go amiss.

You wanna stay with this man who can, t do the right thing?

Why is he so nasty to his child who is feeling ill?

it is stressful, everyone at home at bank holidays plus ill children

but your poor dd :(

he needs to apologise in the morning

hope yuo all feel better too

This has been helpful... I am feeling much less cross with poor old DH now.
He didn't exactly apologise to DD1 but he did try to make it up by giving her big cuddles.

Thanks all. I guess he's allowed a badly behaved moment.

Is he the childrens' father? If so he should behave like he is. He got in a strop when he was asked to help out. Surely he could see the child was ill.

What is it with these selfish men??? You were hardly asking anything big and scarey for him to do. Jeez.

Am I alone in thinking that feeling ill does not absolve a 9yo from behaving sensibly and picking up after themself? She should have got a jumper, not a coat - why did your DH have to get up and wait on her because she didn't do as she was told the first time? And she should not then have dropped her coat on the floor. He shouldn't have thrown it at the wall but I think his only real sin here is medicating the wrong child. That is serious and deserves a bollocking.