Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

would this bother you? (new relationship, dreaded facebook etc)

38 replies

springispsrung · 05/05/2014 20:26

Recently met someone, only been a few weeks so far but all going well.

Was talking to some friends today about a recent night out, and one of them mentioned a nice photo I'd been tagged in on Facebook, I said I'd have to email a copy of it to my bf, as he's not my friend on there.

Cue friends giving me the face - he's not FB friends with me yet as while his divorce from STBXW is going through she's still on his, and he doesn't (understandably) want to rock the boat too much with her.

That seems fine to me, no big deal as it's only Facebook, but my friends thought it was all wrong, one of them said they thought still being friends with his XW was a red flag, which wasnt something I was aware of.

What do people think?

OP posts:

Adayinthelifeof · 05/05/2014 22:52

Don't worry about it. Crack on with your life and tell your friends to (politely) butt out.

Canihaveaslice · 05/05/2014 23:34

It depends how long you've been dating. If it's just a matter of weeks I would find it odd to even have him as a friend on there. Imagine how awkward it would be if you split. I would say when you've been in the relationship longer and met family/friends then add each other but up until then I would stay clear of adding as friends.

MistressDeeCee · 05/05/2014 23:43

Ive been in that situation in the past. Ex girlfriend with whom said man had a child, was on his FB page. I wasn't There were issues around her being awkward when it came to him seeing their DD, so the 'unspoken' was that, it would be better for her not to see that he had a new girlfriend as she would start acting up again. She did find out about me and did start acting up, but anyway I didnt like it that he had to hide from her, that she could be on his page chatting away to him and his friends and family openly, but I had to be 'miss invisible'. Even tho his family knew about me, the FB thing still made me unhappy/uncomfortable and one day I got fed up of it all, and got rid of him. I wasnt prepared to be a very private part of his life, but not really be there publicly.

So I wish I could say in this respect, 'its only FB, it doesn't matter'. But sometimes, it does matter...you just feel how you feel. But if you don't mind OP then its absolutely fine. You know your relationship better than your friends do.

LineRunner · 06/05/2014 09:33

I'm not on fb.

My OH is. He showed me his page. What a load of boring old shite.

MarcusAurelius · 06/05/2014 09:37

Since when did announcing a relationship on Arsebook make it more valid?

TonyThePony · 06/05/2014 09:43

As if facebook actually matters this much to people?! Who cares if you're 'facebook friends', why do you actually need to be friends on the internet, just communicate in real life.

kaizen · 06/05/2014 10:14

It sounds like 12 year olds. One of my criteria for a new relationship is no facebook shite. I will therefore probably be single for the rest of my life

RedRoom · 07/05/2014 20:19

Faecesbook would be a good name for it.

TheSlagOfSnacks · 07/05/2014 20:22

DP and I didn't become friends on Facebook until we'd been together about a year!

But we don't live our lives on it. If you do, I can see why it'd be a bigger deal.

PoundingTheStreets · 07/05/2014 20:27

I don't think it's a red flag. I don't like FB and have to be careful with it because of my field of work. Therefore, while I have a FB account in order to access things it is completely devoid of anything personal to me and I have no friends on it. However, if I used it normally no way would I add as a friend a date of a few weeks. What if you were weird obsessive stalker type who made a note of who was who and what/where they do/go and used it to completely harrass me if I broke it off with you? I'd want a relationship to be showing signs of proper commitment before adding you.

sarinka · 07/05/2014 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liquidstatehasrisenagain · 07/05/2014 21:17

Its only been a few weeks so not unusual in my opinion.

He can always add you and remove that fact from his timeline so unless the ex is extremely vigilant she wont notice one extra friend.

Botanicbaby · 07/05/2014 21:32

wouldn't worry about being FB friends with him either, and who cares whether your friends think its wrong that you're not.

you've not known each other long and it doesn't sound like he uses FB much anyway so I don't see the issue in pushing to be friends on there.

I much prefer Facebook for keeping in touch with friends I don't actually see often/family overseas etc. Don't really get the insistence of some people who feel they have to add everyone.

Flip

1 2