is this grief or am I going mad

[supermariossister]

18 months ago I lost my mum to cancer she was very young and although Ill for a long time it was unexpected I mostly got through okay kept busy and got on with stuff but I am so sad most of the time. I don't feel like I really have a purpose and all the small irritations feel like a massive drain. I don't see any friends anymore because it seems we have nothing in common but then we won't do because I don't do anything other than go through the motions there is no fun there. I love the dc so much but they bicker and argue as any kids do and it drives me to shouting because I'm so fed up of everything being so bleak. I can't remember being truly happy without it being forced and I don't know what to do :(

Yes it is grief but it sounds as though you are feeling alone with it and getting depressed. The bleakness, inability to have fun and irritability suggest this, along with the unvarying quality, the lack of normal 'ups and downs'.

You certainly aren't going mad and lots of people do get depressed after a major bereavement, especially when it's unexpected.

Have you confided in anyone about what you're going through?

If you talk to your GP or health visitor about it, they'll be able to advise and refer you for grief counselling or other suitable therapy. Depending what other symptoms you have (for example, sleep disturbance, weight loss or gain, aching joints) they may suggest a course of antidepressants to help you to get started.

If it's hard to imagine talking to someone about it, you could try calling The Cruse bereavement helpline and explaining how you feel, as a kind of dry run.

Sorry to hear of your loss. It is grief which has morphed into depression and you need to see a doctor about it asap. Anti depressants available nowadays are fantastic so if the first one doesn't work keep going back till you find one that does.

I'm so sorry about your mother.

I think it's impossible that your current feelings aren't at least being influenced by grief. You sound quite depressed.

Did you ever get any grief counselling? Even if you did I think it would be a really good idea to try it again. If time/childcare precludes that I wonder if it wouldn't help to go through a grief workbook of some kind? I don't have any immediate suggestions but I can help you select a workbook if that sounds like it would help.

A grief support group may also help very much.

You need care -- self-care as well as care from loved ones.

Sending you love.

I have tried to attend a support group through the local hospice but it is on a night that I cannot attend due to dc in bed, dp works nights. I do speak about her with others but only really immediate family who are all trying to work through their own grief. I am currently trying my hardest to lose the weight I have put on ( whoever said that you hit the nail on the head) and am enjoying getting out of the house for walks and such but it doesn't appear to be doing much least it gets me out though. I am not sure I know what a grief workbook is, ds had something like it from winstons wish I think. I have to be honest that I am a bit of a doctor avoider and hate the thought of having to go in and describe how I feel. I didn't attend grief counselling for this reason, none of us did. don't like to be seen as needing help if im honest. thanks for answering me

I understand OP.

You do need help though. Even if you don't like to be "seen" as needing it. You can't carry on like this -- imagine how hard it is for your children to see you like this. I really encourage you to reach out. Do it for your kids even if you don't want to do it for yourself. It's worth feeling uncomfortable for a while, if it means you can be there for them in a better way.

This is the kind of workbook I'm talking about: www.amazon.co.uk/Grief-Healing-Techniques-Step---Step-ebook/dp/B00J7V3Q0E/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1399314755&sr=8-4&keywords=grief+workbook

Something that gives you ideas and guidance for how to navigate this time in your life. Maybe reading something like this will help give you a little of the insight that counselling might provide? Without you having to go out there and ask for help? Maybe it would be a good first step.

I will have a look at that just sent it to kindle, it's strange isn't it I just look back and I used to have so much more patience and general enthusiasm than I do now. thanks for helping me

Hi OP...I lost my Mum in September 2012. I've been 'getting on with it' as that's what I do, but I've realised I'm getting worse as far as my mood is concerned. I have little interest in things and have put on weight. I put this down to the menopause, but I think it's grief. I don't feel I have grieved.

I also feel very isolated with my grief, despite having siblings. We are all dealing with it very differently. I have a GP appointment tomorrow, I think I shall ask for a course of AD.

hi willi sorry to hear you are in the same situation, I hope your appointment tomorrow gives you some answers and help.

Thank you sister. My children are older, you have a lot to contend with at this incredibly difficult time...my heart really does go out to you.

Keep posting:)

good luck today williever, I have juggled a few things around so I can have the afternoon to myself which will be nice, looking forward to a bit of time out.