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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Curvy ones with big knockers!!

46 replies

Tiggs2 · 05/05/2014 10:38

I'm sitting here and wondering how to put into words about how i'm feeling right now. I think its a mixture of feeling sad, angry, fed-up, confused, hurt and an overall feeling of wanting to shout to hell with it all.

Since my DH retired he seems to have developed a few addictions, and if I dare to mention any one of them being bad for him then I get told that I'm trying to control him. The only one I haven't mentioned to him is the porn, and its doing my head in. We have always had an ok sex life, quality more than quantity and I know that he has always had an interest in porn and I've left him to it, we have had rows over it in the past, so I don't mention it now as it would cause huge rows. Its a bit like the subject of him looking at other women all the time, its always the curvy ones with big knockers, and it happens wherever we seem to go,
that makes me feel like sh## aswell as unfortunately I happen to be small breasted!

Lately though I think the porn seems to be happening a bit more, and I'm guessing this is the reason why its a big struggle to get him to come to bed at night. What he does is follow me up about half hour to an hour later, but it can be a real pain as I cannot sleep until he is in bed, and sometimes i'm knackered!

The other morning he was up earlier than me and looking at stuff on his comp when he showed me an item he was interested in, on a popular auction site, then I happened to notice there was a tab open on the bottom, which looked like a live sex cam site or something, but I couldn't read it that quickly! I said nothing but wished I bloody had as its done my head in ever since. I know it was a mistake on his part because he very quickly shut the page down, and no way would he ever have attempted to show me anything like that if it was porn!

I am so very hurt if he is using webcam sites, I always thought that you had to pay for them, which he couldn't do as I do our banking, but this has made me feel inadequate and sad, hurt and angry. It Feels like its overstepping the line. He keeps asking me if I'm ok as i'm in a funny mood, but it if mention the porn thing then there will be a huge row, he gets very, very defensive and it could be days before we talk, or rather till I make the move.
Feel like I want to run away....

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 17:03

Well, I don't keep a spreadsheet, but I do have a good memory and prh is a prolific poster

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 17:04

Ive reread my post of 16:33

BitOutOfPractice · 06/05/2014 17:10

AF clearly you do! Mine has been addled by having kids and wine

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 17:25

Clearly I keep a spreadsheet ? Nope. I have a good memory. I remember the names of trolls, windup merchants and all sorts of shit. It's a gift and a curse

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 17:26

A simple and quick advanced search can confirm how much is wine-addled neuron loss also ....

BitOutOfPractice · 06/05/2014 17:27

No, clearly you have a good memory!

Do you want to come and work for me? I could do with you to deal with recalcitrant clients!

Anyway ahem sorry for derailing the thread. Hope OP is OK

Ivehearditallnow · 06/05/2014 17:47

... Because all men love porn?
And all women hate it?

Don't think so.

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 17:47

I do a fair amount of recalcitrance management in my usual line of work

Ivehearditallnow · 06/05/2014 17:53

haha

Lioninthesun · 06/05/2014 18:05

Fontella has it spot on. Why any men think that the image of them wanking away to someone else would be appealing to women, let alone their wives is beyond me. Yet these men always defend it as though it is as normal as blowing your nose. Like the greasy old fat men who trail a little Asian lady tottering in stilettos and spandex behind them like a pet. Do they think men or women look at them and think "Gosh how lucky is he? What a dude!" rather than "What a disgusting man/poor woman"?

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 06/05/2014 18:07

OP, hope you can sit him down and get over to him how impoertant this is to the marriage and to the mutual enjoyment of his retirement. Hugs

Fairenuff · 06/05/2014 18:15

Feel like I want to run away....

What's stopping you OP?

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 18:25

Put your joggers on OP and start sprinting.

Ubik1 · 06/05/2014 18:30

You need to have it out

He knows he is behaving badly

Sooner or later the row is going to happen. Might as we get it over with

Fontella · 06/05/2014 19:08

Exactly Lion.

Oh it's 'normal' and 'all men watch porn' and it's a sign of a healthy libido and all that shit. Healthy libido my arse. A real man would be making love to his wife or girlfriend, not sat in front of a computer screen tugging himself off.

The reality is a bunch of sad fuckers sat there in front of a screen wanking themselves off to professional sex performers, in many cases while there is a warm-blooded real life woman upstairs in their bed for whom they can't or won't get it up.

And then the ogling of other women in RL - women they couldn't get near if they tried. With my ex now I can see him without the 'love goggles' or whatever the fuck it is that distorts our vision when it comes to seeing these tossers for what they really are. What I came to see, once the goggles finally fell off, off was a middle aged, overweight, bald headed twat of a man lusting after women who would recoil in horror if he went anywhere near them. Totally and utterly out of his league. It's sad, sleazy and pathetic.

What really pisses me off though is how the RL wife, girlfriend, partner, is made to feel somehow inadequate because of the behaviour of twats like this.

They are the ones who are inadequate. they are the saddos. Are they going to still be sat there wanking away in their 60s, 70s and beyond? Probably.

And don't get me started on the fat ugly pigs I see walking around supermarkets with their petite pretty little Thai wives tottering along behind them. Lucky? Dudes? Sad, pathetic old tossers who have to buy a wife is more like it. I think of those poor women having that rolling about on top of them, huffing and puffing and grunting and groaning.

Ugh. There ain't enough money in the world. If I had a choice of putting up with a bloke like this or polishing turds for a living, I'd take the turds.

MrWalletwithMothsonboard · 06/05/2014 19:21

Fontella you are amazing. Thanks for putting it so succinctly.

Mugg1ns · 06/05/2014 21:06

There seems to be quite a lot of people on the internet fiddling with themselves in front of their webcams,, women as well as men.

Lioninthesun · 06/05/2014 21:09

I have yet to hear any one come on here and say a man wanking to herself on the internet has meant she ignores a real life man in her bed, or thinks she can get away with being a sleaze in public

Lioninthesun · 06/05/2014 21:09

*woman not man!

Jan45 · 07/05/2014 12:03

Fontella: again, well said, and yes, sick of women having to be cool and accept their men are watching porn out of some male need when in fact it's simply a rank and selfish indulgence that's become an obsession, all to the detriment to the relationship and their woman's self esteem.

matildasquared · 07/05/2014 13:33

If the porn bothers you that much, you owe it to yourself to make a big deal of it. I mean, what exactly makes you less important than him?

Personally what would bother me more is his staring at women's breasts when you're out and about. Apart from being an embarrassment to himself and to you, what about the poor women he's leering at constantly? Openly staring at someone's breasts is sexual harassment. I have a friend with a curvy figure who has had to deal with that every day of her goddamned life since she was 11 years old. I'm sure he has a reputation of "that ogler" in your community, which is really isolating for you.

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