This will be long, sorry, trying to give as much relevant info as poss! I have NCed for this as the situation is recognisable and some family members know I'm on here so don't want to out my usual NN.
My dad left my mum when I was 9-10 (I'm almost 23 now so 13yrs ago). After a while he met the woman he's with now, they had a DD who is now 7. They live about a 15-20 minute drive away and public transport is easily available. My dad and his partner have 1 car which she (my step mum) uses for work leaving my dad with no car.
For Christmas and their birthdays my DP (of 7.5yrs) and I have always made an effort, travelling over to see them with cards and presents. They rarely made the effort to come over for my birthday, yet they always seem to manage to go to my sisters for hers/her children's birthdays. My sister lives a 10 minute walk from my house.
DP and I have a DD, she will be 3 in June, the day after my birthday. When it was our birthdays last year, not one word did I hear from my dad. No text, no phone call, nothing. In fact, we didn't speak until August, when we went over there for my little sisters birthday to take her card and present. Me and DD got our birthday cards and DD got a present, in August, 2 months late. We then just stopped making an effort, didn't go over for christmas or anything. I then didn't hear or see dad until early Feb this year for my nieces 5th birthday party. Dad was there and was visibly very shocked at just how much DD had changed since he last saw her in August, she didn't have a clue who he was, we said it was Grandad and she started looking around for my FIL who she sees often. He swore then that he would make a serious effort to see us more and get to know DD, he acknowledged that he'd been no good. He also said they'd come over very soon with DD's christmas present. I still needed to give my sister hers too!
I haven't heard from him since. It was my nephews birthday on wednesday and as I was leaving my older sisters house I heard her phone ring and it was our dad. He visited her yesterday with nephews birthday present. I heard no word from him. I still have my little sisters christmas present here, there's no point giving it to her now, it's a pair of lovely snuggly fleecy winter pyjamas. By the time this winter comes they'll probably be too small for her.
He often comes over to our town on the bus, he came to help my mum with her car and he's occasionally posts on FB about how he's "going back to that shithole of a town, glad I left it behind." To do shopping and stuff.
DP and I are getting married this autumn. My dad was obviously annoyed that DP didn't ask his permission when he first proposed almost 2yrs ago. I haven't even bothered to tell my dad that the wedding is booked although I'm sure someone'll have told him by now. My mum was shocked that I won't be having him give me away either. In my eyes (and DP fully agrees with me) he hasn't earned that right. He clearly doesn't give a shit about us so why should I have him do that just because it's traditional? I do, however, want my little sister to be a bridesmaid.
I just feel so hurt and angry by his actions and lack of effort, I feel like I want to cut him off. But I can't cut my sister out of my life, even though I'm not sure she fully understands that I'm her sister. About a year or so ago I was babysitting her, my niece and nephew together. N and N were calling me Aunty X, so my sister did too, I had to explain to her that I wasn't her aunty, but her big sister like [big sisters name] is.
Please help me figure out what I should do. I just feel so hurt and let down, we used to be close when I was a child :(