A month for every year (new relationships after ending old ones)

[Trills]

Have you heard of the "rule" that you should wait a month for every year you were with someone, before embarking on a new relationship?

Have you stuck to this?

Have you broken the "rule", and been very glad that you did? Or broken it and regretted it?

All stores welcome, happy and sad :)

I've heard this - I broke it just I think (was married to XH for nearly 12 years and with him for another 5). Started going out with someone else a year after XH moved out. Is still working out nicely at the moment :)

I have previously paid no attending to such rules, and have pretty much gone from one long term relationship to the next without much of a break at all since I was 18. I'm now mid thirties.
I've now decided that as my current relationship (which became a marriage) of 12 years is ending, I'm taking 2 years out.
Doesn't mean I won't date, I just won't be looking to settle down with anyone for at least 2 years. I'm going to concentrate on building my relationships with my friends, work hard, and find my own life.
I think I need some time for me first, then hopefully when I do find someone it will be a lot more equal and have a stronger foundation.

I haven't so far... was with ex for 7 years and waited 3 months... exh left last year after 12 years together. Thinking of starting dating again now as I feel ready. Although I don't want anything serious for a long time. Quite enjoying being on my own with the kids and house. Def not giving up my independence just yet!

My DP of 7 years left me on a Sunday evening, I had a date lined up by Monday afternoon and went on it on the Thursday evening. So 4 days for me

However I felt the alternative was killing myself so I launched into a manic period of dating for self affirmation. It got me out the house and stopped me crying in a heap on the floor.

Looking back on things now I'm still not sure whether it was the right or wrong thing to do.

We were together for 11 years, 24 months since I found out about his affair and 21 months since he left the house I am still not ready for another relationship. Maybe actually completing the divorce will help, he isn't fighting it just doing nothing has had most recent set of papers for 3 months without response.

36 years together, so it would be 3 years, seems a bit much.

5 year relationship (married 4 years): had a v brief fling with an ex about seven months after I left him (effectively 2 one night stands) which was OK but showed me I was nowhere near ready, but nothing else for another year after that, and then only had one disastrous date. I was still prickling with the sheer delight of not being in a relationship a year after we split tbh.

Went looking for someone after about 2.5 years and met dh 3 years after the split.

TBH I think most people should stay single far more than they do.

I was with XH for about 4 years. We split up and DH and I got together less than one month later (started as a drunken one-night-stand...). Been together now for 12 years and going stronger than ever. I say bs to rules!! :)

Who made this rule?

Why is it a rule?

It sounds to me like one of those nonsense rules, like 'the one who smelt it, dealt it'. It rhymes, so it must be true...

Surely the appropriate amount of time to wait before starting a new relationship depends on the individual; the circumstances surrounding the breakup; how badly they were emotionally affected by it; the personalities of those involved; and many other reasons.

Broke it, was a disaster. I wasnt ready.

With hindsight I would say 2 months for each year is about right rather than 1.

Yes, well, I was going to say it would depend how and why the last relationship ended.

Rigid rules like that can't realistically be applied.

I would think the more acrimonious the break up, the longer the period of healing needed. But sometimes a lightweight new relationship can help that.

Have you met someone nice Trills !

No, part of the reason I split with ex of 14 years was because I was so lonely and craved affection. Started dating after a couple of months, met a few nice guys and then wonderful DP after about 6 months (he'd separated from his ex of 11 years about 9 months before, so closer to the rules!)

No regrets at all.

My marriage did a lot of damage and I don't know when to even start dating again, I just don't trust my own judgement. We are separated 16 months now, and I am still not detached enough that he does not upset me. So, I am now 2 months for every year. He is pissing about with the legal stuff too.

So am concentrating now consciously on ignoring him and sorting out me and my own life.

I have met one kind man recently, not in a dating context, which was nice. I realise I also need to start very slowly in building up an idea of what is normal again.

Blimey ex and myself were together 30 years so on this basis I may never "get back out there" interestingly that feels like a massive relief right at this moment. I am finding all sorts of other things to do, places to go and people to see. Can't imagine wanting to change anything too soon so I am liking the timescale more and more. Might add a few months for safe measure!!

I've never stuck to this rule and it's always been fine. I only had relationships of up to 3 years before DH though. I guess it's different if you've been with someone for a long time.