Is He Just Not That Into Me?? 4 dates in and confused.

[Latara]

I only started dating again recently for the first time since 2011. (I've been ill during 2011 & 2012 with both changing epilepsy meds and suffering a serious mental illness, and spent 2013 recovering). So I'm a bit out of practice with dating.

I'm 37, no children, never married, started dating a 46 yr old man I met through Tinder.
He's divorced, no children, but nice personality, good looking, successful career and I find him attractive.

He only lives 5 mins walk from my house.
We've had 4 dates - he kissed me on date no.3 and I was a bit nervous at first which hopefully didn't show.
But on our 4th date on Thursday he only briefly kissed me goodbye.

I work alternate weekends - he knew I had this weekend off. He's texted me but I haven't seen him since Thurs. He's 'been busy' with his friends, playing golf etc and I know he does have a full social life.
He's told me he wants to go on a date in the morning... fair enough.

My question is, surely if he was that interested he would have seen me again sooner, he would have tried to kiss me more on the 4th date and maybe even found an excuse to call round my house.
In the past I dated younger men who, to be blunt, couldn't keep their hands off me and really tried it on. It was always a bit too much too soon for me because I was quite shy but now I'm more confident I wouldn't mind that.

Also he suspects there's 'something I'm not telling him' which there is - I haven't told him about my health problems, he has no idea I take a cocktail of meds to keep me sane and well!

I don't know when or if to tell him any of that at all but he's guessed something's up because I don't drink alcohol or drive... nor do I talk about ex-boyfriends or having other life experiences such as holidays, seeing bands and a full social life which I haven't had for the past 3 years because I've been so unwell.

I just don't have as much to talk about as he does.

I've been so ill that even getting in the shower and washing the dishes is a big deal for me. I definitely don't want to tell him that.

It is a minefield. I posted on here a bit over five years ago about a man I'd dated a couple of times and really got on with then poof he disappeared. Didn't answer messages etc. I was given the courage to send one last message, but also to keep up my online dating profile and see what else was around. Turned out he'd had flu - not just man flu. Proper flat out non-functioning flu. Any way we married 6 months later (yep it was fast, engaged 3 months into relationship) and now have a three year old daughter.

If you've enjoyed his company, enjoyed his kiss and a next date is planned isn't that enough for now?

The truth is he's right about you in that you are withholding significant stuff from him. You could tell him an outline of the truth without divulging full details. Like you're epeleptic. Could you say that due to needing to find the right meds combination and treatment this has caused quite a disruption in your social life for a while and it did effect your mental health too. Fortunately you're now on your feet, life is in control and good.

Its good he has a social life. If you like him is there a rush to see what happens or could you just let it roll on a bit longer, then decide if its a relationship or just a friendship?

To be honest I would be thinking it was "too much too soon" if he wanted to see you Thurs and then again at the weekend. Or popping around. After only 4 dates. Not too bad but for people who like their own space (like me, and maybe like him) Thurs-Mon is just fine. Even after many more dates.

The kissing could mean something.

Agree with Mis about telling him at least a bit about the fact that you've been ill. If you seem cagey or like you are hiding something then he is (rightly) going to be less keen to continue things.

When sociable people are single, they make plans to do things. Being busy on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday is not that unusual.

Seeing someone on Thursday and then again on Monday is not bad.

Saying surely if he was that interested he would have seen me again sooner is like saying that you think he should have cancelled other plans in order to see you.

I suppose I should be honest about the epilepsy but not about the mental health problems. He doesn't need to know the full story. If he is funny about the epilepsy then maybe he's not right for me anyway.

I've been busy since Thursday myself with work, friends and family. I suppose that if he wasn't busy I'd be wondering why.
It's good that he has at least been texting really.

I have just been for a long walk with him and he seems to definitely still be into me... he said he had missed me.
I think I was feeling a bit down yesterday when I posted.

I told him about the epilepsy and he was fine about it. I told him that's why i can't drive and used it as the reason for not drinking as well. I won't be telling him about the MH issues unless we get really serious.

I'll be seeing him again on Thursday. Then he's away on holiday for 2 weeks and I think I will miss him.

Oh, I love a good romance. Glad the epilepsy wasn't an issue and you felt able to be honest with him.

May tou have many more romanic liaisons. (fizzy elderflower cordial - non alcoholic)