Changing DSs middle name by deed pole?

[welshnat]

I don't know if this is in the right topic but I'm looking for some advice.

My DSs middle name is my mothers maiden name - she passed away when I was young and it was always this or her name for a DD.

The trouble is that for the last year my DMs side of the family has almost completely cut me off...and by extension DS.

I hate that he has their name as a middle name and I'm really considering dropping it. He has another middle name so won't be without. He's 2 so won't know any different either.

Am I doing the right thing or am I just acting to quickly?

You named your son for your MOTHER, not her relations. You are keeping the name in HER memory.

I'd bide your time for a while.

I agree, you made this decision a long time ago as a way of remembering your mother.

If your mother's family are now cutting you out, then this is still a nice way of remembering your mother. You won't be punishing them by changing his name and it doesn't give them anything by him having it.

What's in a name? It's your DS's name; he owns it, he'll grow into it and he will redefine it.

It's his name now, you've had your say. It all sounds rather petty.

I know it may sound petty and it probably is, but I hate that he has any link to the people who have treated me so badly. His own godparents refuse to acknowledge him.

I think you're right though I need to get over it and remember that it's my mothers name not theirs.

You don't need to change it by deed poll, just don't use it if you don't want to.

I don't use it anymore but he's registered with the go and hospital as it and they always include it in any letters. I know I need to get over it, it just seemed like this was one way for me to take control of the situation. I've decided against it now anyway.

Just have to figure out how I'll be able to get through the day at my nieces christening with them all there

Can you just leave it off a passport? Don't I need to send a birth certificate for proof?

No he's never had a passport so would be his first. I'm going to be applying soon but no rush so may just try and drop the name.

You hate that he has any link to your family and I get that, but he will always have link to them, regardless of what you name him. So I agree with the poster who said you named him in honour of your mother which is a lovely tribute - think of that and ignore anything else. I think you'd regret changing his name in time.

Changing his name might give you back a feeling of control but it will be short lived. I'm sorry you have been treated badly but changing your child's name won't undo the hurt but I do understand the hurt.

Thank you all for talking sense into me. This christening is really starting to get to me. When I see the two main people I get so worked up that I feel almost like I will have a panic attack.

I've arranged for DS to stay with his dad an extra day so that it's one less thing to stress about. I can cope with being ignored but I couldn't handle seeing them blank him.

Auntie who started WWIII has been chosen to be godmother because she cried about never being chosen. And her husband who is DSs godfather is also godfather. The same person who wouldn't accept a Christmas rad off DS, and ignored his birthday completely.

I feel like DS has been rejected just as much as me although I wouldn't want them to be a part of his life anyway.

As hard as it is being rejected, having these people permanently in your life probably would hurt more. These people simply aren't worth your angst, their loss is your gain.

It's a very long story but it didn't bother me when it was just auntie and GM who ignored me because I felt the same way towards them. But it soon became evident that the rest of my family who I had once been close to like cousins had chosen their sides and it wasn't mine.

I've recently found out that GM has told cousins that if they ever speak to me or another cousin then she will disown them too and it will send her to an early grave.

It does make me doubt myself and think that maybe I am a really awful person

GM sounds poisonous and your cousins spineless. If you were such a terrible person GM wouldn't need to resort to threats and emotional blackmail to exert control over your cousins, that's a weakness, not a strength.

Kindness, integrity, sensitivity....... What characteristics do you value in others? Would you miss, or even be friends with these people if they weren't family? You are not the reason behind their character deficientcies, these not so nice people just so happened to be related to you.

I used to think I was a good person but when I have practical strangers coming up to me in my local pub telling me how my aunty has been saying what an awful person I am, then I can't help but doubt myself.

These virtual strangers don't know you, they, like your cousins choose to believe the nasty lies spread by your Auntie. Your Auntie and GM seem to have some vested interested in making you the bad guy, that says more about then than it will ever say about you. You can't change them but you can work on improving your self esteem because the higher your self esteem the less hurt you'll feel from their spitefulness.

Can one change someone else's name, even if that someone else is one's DS, by deed poll, or by any other means?

Yes Rainbow.

I changed my son's name. He was 9 and played no part in it.

Well, not no part. He was given the choice to change it or not and decided, after some consideration, that he would. But he didn't have any part in the actual process.