Am I being oversensitive (re joint birthday celebration for me and two other friends which mutual friends are invited to - they are choosing a date I can't do!

[hmc]

So three of us have birthdays around the same time. One of us emailed all close friends (8 of us altogether) to arrange a joint birthday. We have a tradition of celebrating each others birthdays - the other 7 of us usually chip in a fiver or so and buy a gift too....and generally we have 8 birthday get togethers per year

However, the friend who emailed didn't check first with the other two birthday celebrants (me and one other) which dates we could do but just put a selection of evening and lunch time dates out there for replies (which no doubt suited her). Most replies have come back favouring a Friday night which I can't make:

here is a little something from the email:

"Friday is good for almost nearly all of us, except that hmc can't make it (which is a big shame as hers is one of the birthdays we're celebrating).

If we go for this date, Mads is kindly offering for us to go to her house for a combo of new puppy cuddling, wine swilling and snacking! However, we could arrange to go out one Friday in a few weeks time in the hopes of getting us all together...

What do you all think?"

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I'm not sure why the alternative to going out on this particular date has to be a day "in a few weeks time", her original email suggested 3 other evenings dates in the week following the Friday (all of which I could do)

I just feel royally pissed off and like I don't matter. Clearly some peoples birthdays are more important than others. Not all have replied yet but one (whom I regarded as a close friend) has said that Friday night at Mads' house sounds great.

They had better not chip in and buy me a gift because quite frankly they know where they can shove it

[SirChenjin]

If this was AIBU I would be saying YANBU - that is pretty bad . I often wonder if some people are thoughtless or just a bit thick - or a combination of both

I'd get back in touch, keep it light and jokey (har har) and say that you'd like to come because it's your birthday, and suggest some other dates. It's just her preference, so get in there and gently point out that the rule generally is that the person whose birthday it is gets to go to the party. Then kick Mads hard on the shin when no-one is looking, and blame the puppy.

[eddielizzard]

i would also email back and say 'hey i'd really like to be there to celebrate my birthday! how about x date?'

i'd say they'd have to be pretty awful to turn down that request.

and you're not thin-skinned. i would have felt hurt too, as i'm sure most people would! i can't believe she didnt' think you wouldn't be tbh! but don't take it to heart or personally. she's just not given it any thought.

[hmc]

Oh how funny!

An email has come back from the third birthday celebrant - she hadn't originally replied because she was waiting on discussing it with her dh who is often away on business at short notice. Turns out he is not getting back to the UK until late on the Friday that has been suggested so it doesn't really suit her either

Funny old joint birthday celebration - 2 of the 3 birthday girls unavailable but 4 of our mutual friends available so that's alright then!

You've got to laugh. It's now starting to amuse me

I suspect the penny will drop with the other 4 now without me having to say something and a new date will be mooted

[MaryWestmacott]

well even better, send back another message saying;

"I guess it will have to be just a celebration for [organiser friend]'s birthday! I'll speak to [other birthday girl] and send round some dates we can both do for our birthday celebration. HMC x"

then just organise your own thing. sorted.

[Itsfab]

I would do nothing now and organise a nice dinner out with the other lady not able to make the date. Toast yourselves and ignore these silly women who want an excuse for a night out without having the class to realise how rude it is to use your birthdays as an excuse when you can't go.

[Runkittyrun]

I'd get in there with an email backing up Birthday 3, saying you can't make it either so is there a date that's better for the three birthday people. Looks reasonable - personally I would say something as it's your birthday and you are bothered, but at least now you have the opportunity to spin it off the back of the other email.

[hmc]

Exactly!