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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with the backlash from this argument.

1 reply

mermaid101 · 03/05/2014 23:25

I had a disagreement/argument with my mum today. I think that she has narcissistic tendencies and is certainly often quite difficult to get on with. I am 30 weeks pregnant with my second child. I've not been particularly well throughout the pregnacy and am feeling a bit fragile and emotional.

Today she came to our house to give a hand with my DD and also for a general visit.

The argument arose after she tried to get my DD to eat a bit of half chewed food which had fallen on the table or her clothes. I admit I did snap/ speak sharply to my mum but I felt it was a pretty disgusting thing to try to get my DD to do. It was a bit of the main course and my DD was half way through her pudding. At the time, my mum seemed to accept it, but after was rolling her eyes and puffing and muttering: clearly annoyed about something.

Despite being a bit emotional, I spoke to her about this. The conversation became about wider issues, namely me feeling that she is very disapproving of me and undermining and she saying she felt I am difficult to be around. She left after we had, on the surface, "cleared the air".

This was fine, but in my experience, this will not be the end of it. If she sticks to her typical patterns of behaviour, next time I see her, she will tell me how she hasn't been able to sleep because I have upset her so much, she has had migraines because I have caused her so much stress etc.

I feel confident that I was right to stand up for my DD, and I am feel sure that my other points about her general conduct towards me are fair and accurate. However, I don't feel up to a big "show down" or fall out. How do I manage/ deal with the anticipated reaction without backing down and taking all the "blame" and responsiblity for this?

OP posts:
Peacocklady · 04/05/2014 08:03

What she did was odd but it needn't have caused such a fall out. It sounds like you both are v sensitive to each other's comments (same with my mum and me; she adopts a wounded puppy look if I say something). There will be lots of situations like this and they can escalate quickly.

I don't know what kind of come back you'll get but try not to get sucked into it. Acknowledge her feelings without taking blame or arguing and change the subject.
Then vent to someone else!!!

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