Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Going to have to move out of dp house with our dd.

21 replies

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 20:41

He left me last Thursday .

I gave up work to be a SAHM but worked a few hours un contracted to keep my hand in on a weekend.

There is no chance of a reconciliation and I don't know what to do next.

My life has been trashed in a few days.

There is a possibility of gaining more hours but they are more than I'm going to be able to do and I might not even get them. So I won't be able claim tax credits unless I leave and get a job out side my career which I've just spent the last ten years working on and loving.

Dp expected me to claim housing benefit for this house but I won't be able to claim it as he is dd father. He begrudgingly said he would still pay the mortgage but I know he would prefer us to leave. If he does pay then he would def not be able to pay CS .

Ive no money for a deposit on a rented place.

He is not acknowledging the whole shower of shit I'm going to have to sort out. Just stands there saying ' I don't know what you want me to say'

I dont even know who this person is.

What now ? I feel like refusing to leave.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 03/05/2014 20:43

What is the actual housing situation and living arrangements? What do you want? What does he want? What legal and financial advice have you had?

Ledkr · 03/05/2014 20:44

Oh no. Have you been to cab? Or your local sure start should have benefits advisors.
All I can say is be ruthless, he is so you can be too.
Good luck

Original poster

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 20:49

I'm currently in the house with dd (12 m) he is staying elsewhere .

I want to stay here. I made this my home. I paid for the decoration and most of all the furniture - although that counts for nothing because he owns the house.

No advice as yet, I just checked the gov web site for claimants for housing benefits.

I'm going to be now ledkr

OP posts:

Lweji · 03/05/2014 20:51

You do need legal and financial advice on this.

It might be a good idea to insist he moves out until you sort things out.
See for example if you can get more hours.

Contact CAB asap if you haven't.

Lweji · 03/05/2014 20:53

You can still take the furniture you paid for. I would. And you'll need it if you move out.

Check if you can get him to compensate you for what you paid for the decoration.

Original poster

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 20:56

I would take the furniture if I had a place to go to.

He wouldn't give me anything for decoration.

I just can't believe he is being so clinical, declaring he will be always there for dd, yet wanting to turf her out.

OP posts:

meringue33 · 03/05/2014 20:57

Absolutely don't leave unless you are worried he may harm you. Get legal advice.

Lweji · 03/05/2014 20:59

I'd just sell it on ebay if you can't take it with you. At least you'd get some money out of it.
But it may be useful if you get a council place. If he kicks you out, you could apply for one.

Original poster

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 21:00

He wouldn't get violent .

I'm going to call CAB on Tuesday .

I think I'm just going to stay and see what happens

Thanks for replying x

OP posts:

Original poster

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 21:01

I would have to go in a hostel though lewji the thought of that is horrible

OP posts:

Lweji · 03/05/2014 21:07

Yes. :(, true

You could also go through private renting and get housing benefit.
Check out the best option.

TeacupDrama · 03/05/2014 21:26

I presume as you say DH you are married, if so you have certain rights over house even if in his name, duplicate or print out online bank statements to prove your contributions

do not leave voluntarily as that is making yourself intentionally homeless and then the council do not have to rehouse you ( exceptions for DV) but you said that does not apply

even if you do leave over the coming months do so at your own pace you treally really do not have to move by next week or even next month, you might need to move within 6-12 months being realistic, if you are married he can't make you leave and more than you can make him leave

Original poster

Anywhichway · 03/05/2014 21:39

Nope we're not married. dp in my posts .

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 03/05/2014 21:51

Don't go anywhere until you have had legal advice. You can put your foot down and tell him you can't afford to do this the "wrong" way and not get housing because if how you've left.

Get legal advice, then get tough. Tell him what you want, financially.

You need to work - and you like your career. Your baby is only 12 months so you've been out no longer than many women are on maternity leave - so definitely not out if the loop.
Call your old place on Tue and get proactive about those hours. No need to know about the split, tell them baby is 12 months now, you've realised SAHM isn't going to suit you, and remind them how good you were.
Why are you talking about doing a non career related job?
Why can't you do the hours if they are offered? Tell him to step up, re childcare.

Good luck, you sound so sad :(

Joules68 · 03/05/2014 22:14

Ask the council about the rent assistance scheme whereby they can lend you the deposit in a rental. They should have a list of landlords too. Apply for housing and council tax benefit when you have a property

Next you need to contact the jobcentre. You can go on income support.

He needs to pay maintenence. You'll be ok. Stay where you are and stand your ground

Stripyhoglets · 03/05/2014 22:24

Well he is going to have to pay his mortgage and pay you child support. Cheeky sod thinking the tax payer will give you money in HB to pay him rent to pay the mortgage on the house his daughter is living in!
You should get HB, income support and child tax credits and child benefit. Then when you can get your hours above 16 a week I think the income support changes over to working tax credit. Don't give up your career in a panic now, think ahead for the long term as well.
Where abouts are you, some councils will help you with a deposit to find your own private rented and as others have said, will know landlords who will accept you. They do owe you a duty for housing too but that might involve a hostel depending on where you are. But in the meanwhile just stay put until you find somewhere.

Stripyhoglets · 03/05/2014 22:27

Oh and when he says "I don't know what you want me to say" I would tell him you want to hear how he is going to provide a roof over his child's head. If he wants you to leave quickly get him to give you a rental deposit.

Original poster

Anywhichway · 04/05/2014 07:58

Morning.

Thanks Stripey I am going to. Obviously I can't stay here forever but I'm not going to do him any favours by rushing. He can give me the deposit if it's so urgent.

I'm just worried about the utility bills too as they are quite expensive.

OP posts:

Lweji · 04/05/2014 08:45

Whose name are the bills on?

Original poster

Anywhichway · 04/05/2014 09:48

Mine. They will get paid this month as he has already put the money my account. But that's not going to last as well as the mortgage.

I need to get in to work on Tuesday and beg for some hours.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 04/05/2014 17:24

In your OP he says he's going to pay for the mortgage. Is this his sole contribution to his child's housing? What happens when it comes to selling the house? What will your share be?

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread