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Original poster

Am I being unsociable?

18 replies

Thaigal · 26/08/2006 23:05

At the start of the summer holidays I decided I would treat the kids to a surpise day out at a local themepark, they still don't know and the trip is planned for next friday. I was really looking foward to a day out, just me and the kids.

A couple of weeks ago I dropped it into conversation with a friend and she hinted that she'd like to come along, I ignored it at first but crumbled when I started to feel guilty as she always invites me to places when she takes her kids out for the day.

Now I'm dreading the trip , I'm not the most sociable person at the best of times but when I really wanted the day to ourselves it's even worse. I'm not a confident driver and I don't even know how to get to this park yet so I'm going to have to deal with that whilst she is chatting to me and the kids are all shouting etc in the back...plus she will tell her son where we are going and he will tell my two spoiling the suprise (she always thinks he won't say anything but always does!). Apart from that her son spends all his time nagging for food and drinks when they're out and she always has to rush off and buy him stuff meaning my two will start nagging and playing up too and to top it all off her son is a tell tale and will constantly he whinging all day about what my two have said or done. .

Another thing is it's going to cost me around £100 for the day including petrol etc and I feel a bit 'cheated' that since everyone will be piling into my car (as usual) it's a cheap(ish) day out for them.

I feel like the day has been spoilt already but my other friend just thinks I'm being unsociable and that I should be glad of the company.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Frieda · 26/08/2006 23:11

Couldn't you ask her if she'd mind driving ? tell her you're not that confident on the road and she'd be doing you a favour - you could suggest making a contribution towards her petrol?

I can sympathise with how you feel, but sometimes these days out are better with a couple of adults, as it means you don't have to go on everything with both kids (sometimes not possible anyway - sometimes they have height restrictions which means only the bigger ones are allowed on, which makes things impossible if you're on your own.

Original poster

Thaigal · 26/08/2006 23:13

She doesnt drive

She is a good friend and I feel bad being so negative about her but I really wanted the day to ourselves, less stressful that way but you're right about the rides etc, I never thought of that.

OP posts:

snowleopard · 26/08/2006 23:14

Aw Thaigal, well if you're unsociable then I am too, as I often feel exactly like this - I sneak out on day trips with just me and DS, when I know I should ask other mum friends, because I just can't be doing with the social effort.

I think you just have to make the best of this day out - it might not be awful! - and plan another separate (and top secret!) day out with just your kids another time.

bogwobbit · 26/08/2006 23:15

I can understand how you feel. Sometimes I want do do things with friends and other times, I really enjoy it just being me and my kids, giving them my full attention and not having to be sociable when i don't feel like it, which can tbh be a bit of an effort when you aren't in the mood.
So yes, I would feel cheated too and a bit annoyed. Still, the deeds done now and it might now be as bad as you think it will. And make her go halfers on the petrol.

nearlythree · 26/08/2006 23:15

Have you booked anything already? If not is there somewhere else you can go, and tell your friend you've changed your plans - you don't have to tell her you're going somewhere else.

Sounds to me like it's her ds that puts you off more than her.

moondog · 26/08/2006 23:16

Oh God,cancel it!
Could think of nothing worse than an allday outing with another mother and kid.
Aaargh!!

SecurMummy · 26/08/2006 23:25

I think you are being quite fair actually!

I took mine to a theme park before so as I could have the special time with them - I didn't want to have to worry about someone elses needs, I wanted to be with my family!

I don't know how you get out of it if you have already said they can go, but if you have not yet then I would stick to my guns!

If you do then ask for petrol money - if it were me who was the other friend I would offer half the petrol anyway out of politness! (Oh and insist she keeps it from her son!)

Dunnyjo · 27/08/2006 08:34

I totally agree with nearlythree! Change your plans or just say you are not going now but have to be somewhere else so she wont try and come round thinking you would be in. Sod it enjoy your day with your children!

KBear · 27/08/2006 08:52

Don't do anything you don't want to do.

Tell her you've changed your mind and will be visiting your parents instead. Then go another day.

Original poster

Thaigal · 27/08/2006 10:09

Thanks for the replies

It's not that I don't like her or her son but this was meant to be a special treat for my kids...now we're going to have to consider two other people with everything we do and it's no longer "our day".

I'm going to tell her I'm leaving at 8am and hope they change their minds lol

OP posts:

hulababy · 27/08/2006 10:13

If she does still go, why not suggest splitting up for a while, and meeting up at a set time for lunch or something. Just tell her you want/need some one to one time with your children.

charliecat · 27/08/2006 10:25

Which theme park is it? I have buy one adult get one in free vouchers for alton.thorpe.chessington. [email protected] if you want them.

tigermoth · 27/08/2006 10:31

definitely do as you want - this is a special day, after all, and not a cheap one either so you want it go as well as possible.

I often like doing big trips single handed with my children. With too many other people, all wanting food, drink, loo stops, at different times, not to mention the fights over what attractions you queue up for, having a crowd is a recipe for disaster.

I'd do MUCH more than saying you are leaving at 8 am - what happens if your friend still says 'yes' She will probably be expecting an early start as it is a big day out.

Can you just be as honest as possible about this trip - say you have just been looking at the map and working out how you will drive there, timings, details for the day you see it's going to be a very long one...and you are very sorry but....... you really think it's best if you just go alone with your children for this one trip ... you have not gone out for a day trip with them like this for ages and the summer holidays are nearly over.... and your children do tend to get so VERY overexcited and play up when they are with their friends and that makes you SO stressed out.... you want to avoid it this time...(this may not be true about your children, but how can your friend refute it!)... The trip itself will be exciting and exhausting enough without them having their friends around... and you don't want to get overtired and stressed yourself as you are driving and not confident about it anyway....so from a pure safety angle, you want to go alone with your kids.. something like that, anyway, followed up with an immediate invite to your friend for another, less challenging joint trip out, so she feels included.

That's what I'd do, anyway.

UCM · 27/08/2006 10:39

Could you tell her you are getting free tickets from a Mumsnetter on the premise you pick them up on the way. Therefore there won't be any room in the car.

Original poster

Thaigal · 27/08/2006 22:41

I feel a bit guilty now (as usual) as she's just phoned to say she cant make it anyway, she was really upset as she thought she was letting us down .

I've arranged to go down and see her next week instead. On the plus side, our day out is back on the right track lol

CharlieCat, the park is Flamingo Land, thanks for the offer though

OP posts:

nearlythree · 27/08/2006 23:16

Obviously for the best then . Don't see why you should feel guilty though.

moondog · 27/08/2006 23:25

Brilliant.

Sorted!

Frieda · 27/08/2006 23:49

Glad to hear your day out is back on track ? sounds like it's worked out perfectly. Hope you have a great day.

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