Close to a breakdown!

[Odessa88]

Can I have some advice please????
I have been with my partner for a year. He's asked me at times what my ring size is, says he wants to live with me kids etc.
Lately he has changed. He was saving to buy a house but WONT move in with me and shortly he will have to move home and won't have anywhere else to go.
I mentioned getting engaged and he freaked after HE used to talk about it!
he's been engaged before and regrettably I always throw that in his face and that he lived with his ex.
I tried to talk to him about our future and he started swearing and said I'm being miserable and ruining things!
He even said he wants a baby but then I would potentially be a single mum with 2 kids if he doesn't know what he wants.
Should I cut my losses and leave? I'm not happy I feel after a year ( plus he always stays at my house), we could at least try living together.
Am I being unreasonable????

[Odessa88]

Not really. I lost touch with most if my friends be because I was too fixated on trying to make the relationship work AND (rightly so), they got sick of watching me degrade myself :( x

[BillyBanter]

please split up with him and get some counselling before embarking on another relationship.

This relationship sounds really unhealthy all round.

[tipsytrifle]

I need rid but // it's really damaged how I feel about myself

These are two separate issues Odessa, feeding off each other. Your true Self spoke to the former issue and knows what needs to be done asap. You KNOW this already. Which is awesome because I didn't have a darn clue until wayyyy down the line about what my Self knew *sigh

Listen to yourself, good and proper.

The rest is healing and growing without hindrance, which your inner self is aching to do. Give yourself a chance, please?

No-one can or should try to make anyone love them. Love yourself first in my opinion

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Do pick up the phone to your friends. It's very frustrating being a friend of someone when you can see they are being taken for a ride. But it's only been a year and I'm sure they'll be very relieved and anxious to catch up when you tell them you've ended it.

[knowledgeispower]

I'm reading this with interest as I'm the one that stayed. Not quite the same situation but a cocklodger none the less. That year you have spent with him, chalk it up to experience and move on. I didn't and after nearly 6 years with the asshole I'm even more f*cked up than I was after one year. I ignored all the warning signs as I loved him!!

Get out of this relationship. I can remember joining a gym to make myself look better because I was comparing my self to his ex!! My god, this is bringing back so many memories.

Lets clink glasses to a future free of cocklodgers

[gamerchick]

Why don't you start small for the minute.. tell him to go home tonight and see him tuesday, don't let him stay tuesday either. I think if you stop him staying at yours now then he'll show his true colours quite quickly but either laying it on thick how much you've both got a future or he'll get nasty.

[Odessa88]

Thanks everyone for your advice :)
Tbh he hasn't been in touch since he stormed out after I mentioned his ex yesterday!
This is what he does though....His way of making you feel bad and guilty.
I've managed to speak to one of my friends and she's been supportive. She wants to kill him but hey ho lol x

[Odessa88]

It's awful tho isn't it, Knowledge? It is totally insane but I keep thinking oh she must have been prettier, funnier etc! Though it's his fault not hers really...AND mine for getting wound up! Bloody men! Think I'll go cold turkey for a year!!!! x

[knowledgeispower]

Someone on this forum mentioned that these assholes actually notice a reaction in you when their ex is mentioned so they use it against you to deflect attention away from themselves!! So whilst your busy worrying and comparing yourself to his ex you aren't seeing what is right in front of you.

It is painful but please believe when I say that relationship shouldn't be this much hard work :-) good luck OP :-) x

[Odessa88]

Well....had 'the talk'....got accused of being selfish?!?! Not a happy ending but still, closure x

[knowledgeispower]

Well done OP it still hurts but at least, as you say, there is some closure x

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

'Selfish' in this context means 'standing up for yourself', 'putting yourself first. Personally, I don't see that as a bad thing.

[Odessa88]

Well apparently I'm selfish and I don't give a shit :/ not really sure how that works.....
I feel like Crap and am panicking at being a single thirty something lol x

[gamerchick]

Better to be single and available than putting up with dregs.

[knowledgeispower]

I'm newly single and early thirties too! Gamerchick is right. It's okay to be sad that things have ended this way but don't look back with regret. Look forward with hope

[AnyFucker]

Well done for being strong and recognising this crappy cocklodger for what he is

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Thirty-something, single and with your self-respect intact is better than being strung along by some user until you're 40-something and your confidence is on its arse. Once the panic wears off, you'll realise it's a big opportunity.

[Forgettable]

Better to be single and answerable to no one but yourself

Well done

Now, delete from your mobile, block him on facebook etc

Don't let him worm back in

Ring round your girlfriends, let them know the score, start ball rolling for nights out, or nights in dep on child situation

[tipsytrifle]

I am so wishing you luck and true Love, Odessa! You've listened to your self and taken action. You never thought you could enlighten him, did you? No chance of that ... not your job anyway ...

And now you are free. Don't be scared, be proud of yourself and your courage, may the force be with you lol

[Consulate]

What is his reason for not wanting to move in? (As in what does he say is the reason)

[Consulate]

Didn't read the 2nd page - oops :-)