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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Skype..need some advice please

2 replies

MrsJayGatsby · 03/05/2014 09:25

Hello, I'm a loooooong long time lurker, very rarely posted and never under this name (I've just reregistered as I had forgotten my log-in details).

I've been with my partner for almost 2 years and we basically live together. There have been incidents over the 2 years of him having conversations with women, ex's mainly and then deleting the conversations, or speaking to them on the phone and deleting the call log so there's no way of knowing how long they spoke for. He has always told me when he's had these conversations, although it's usually because he's had to (for example, I had his old phone from him when he got a new one as mine was broken and kept his old simcard as it was the easiest option, after a month or so of me using the simcard I received a message over whatsapp from a woman which was clearly for him, just asking how he was. I let him know and gave him the number so he reply if he wanted to. Turns out this woman was an ex, and he knew who it was from the number before messaging her. So he had to tell me he'd spoken to her, but he had deleted all evidence of their contact). Obviously I know only of the conversations he's had that he's told me about, there's a good chance that there have been others he's not told me about.

Anyway, that's just a little bit of background, and it all leads to this: we have 2 children each from previous relationships, and on occasion when he has his children he stays at his Dads house. I know he watches porn while he's there, which I'm not overly impressed with and he knows this, but last night i was playing candy crush (I know, I know) on his phone sat next to him while he was playing a game on mine, I finished my game and sat with his phone in my hand watching him play and accidentally knocked his screen and opened up Skype (i have never looked through his phone before although he has looked through mine many times). On his skype list there was a name along the lines of xoprincess.somethingorother. I asked him who it was and he said he had no idea. There was no number attached to it, no picture only a name which was 'bb angel'. Now, I am not exactly tech-savvy, so I have no idea how skype works or if there's any way this contact could have 'appeared' on his phone without him knowing. Does anybody have any ideas about this? Has he definitely been talking to this contact through Skype for her to be on his list?
If anybody could shed some light it would be very much appreciated, I have a few other doubts regarding the relationship but none strong enough for me to throw 2 years of my life away for. Sorry if that was long or a little jumbled, I'm on my phone and it's hard!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/05/2014 09:40

The Skype stuff is the latest from him in a long line of disrespectful behaviour on his part. Given his overall untrustworthy behaviour anyway, why are you actually together at all?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

MrsJayGatsby · 03/05/2014 10:37

Nothing, actually. It's ridiculous, I feel as though I'm waiting for him to do something that will justify me ending the relationship. We had a huge row last week, I told him I wanted him to leave; after he'd got all his stuff together he told me he wasn't leaving that day as he had nowhere to go and eventually we just started speaking normally again as if nothing had happened.

He's not like it all the time, and I can't claim to be perfect but it's like he's just ground me further and further down with negativity that now everything he does and everything he says annoys me. But I can't seem to grow the balls to just say 'that's it! I'm done' I feel like i need something to say look, you did this thing and now it's over.

Every time i build myself up to doing it i start thinking 'oh but he will be so upset'..or 'oh he is having such a crap time with work etc at the moment, I'd be a really awful person to do this'. I know it's pathetic, I'm a grown woman and I should be able to take charge of my own life but I can't, and I guess I saw this Skype issue as a possible way out.

God I sound ridiculous Sad

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