Meeting boyfriend's DD for the first time. Feeling nervous.

[LividofLondon]

Silly I know, but I'm not used to children (I don't have my own or mix with them) so feel really self-conscious. We're going out for the day so at least that will help trigger conversation I suppose, but I'm worried about messing up some how. Any tips on what to do/not do? She's 10 by the way. Thanks.

Hopefully someone will come along soon who has experience of this, but from my completely naive pov I would suggest that you keep it very light, try not to expect too much, and keep the physical contact between you and your BF is a minimum - I don't know if your BF has had any other GFs before, but she might need time to process the relationship.

Hope you have a lovely day

(Qualification for what I'm about to say is that I spent many years as a cub leader .. :) ) BE YOURSELF because, to a kid, you are the human equivalent of Marmite and they can sniff fake at twenty paces. Be as friendly as you would with anyone else but avoid over-pally or you'll earn yourself an eye-roll. Show an interest in school/activities/music but avoid becoming Jeremy Paxman in a frock.

Thanks SirChenjin and Cogito OK, be myself. Good, I can do that as I'm a terrible actress. What's adding to my awkwardness is that me and BF are very affectionate/tactile yet I'm planning on being hands off, letting him make the moves, which will seem odd for us. Also, his suggestion of joining them for the day out totally blind-sided me. To give some background...

He's been separated from his wife for a year. Our relationship started 6 months ago as a FWB/casual dating thing and although I could sense that feelings had developed I had no idea he was at that stage. I had no inkling that his wife would know about us (and I dare say that she will after the weekend if not already!), even if I'm introduced as a "friend" (but then why invite me?). I'm going to have to ask him about context aren't I!

You definitely have to compare notes before this day out. What does his exW and DD know already? Be sensitive to feelings but avoid pretence.

I think be genuine and interested but not over the top / gushy about everything she says and does. I think the trying too hard can come across as "buying her off". Get a balance between wanting to find out what she likes / is into without it seeming like an interrogation and be open to answering stuff about urself.

I also think try and relax and enjoy her.

hope it goes well. have no advice to offer but realise how daunting it must be. definitely be yourself and I would suggest less tactile than normal with bf

When I first met my stepdad, I was 5, so easier to please! But he brought me a gift that my mum told him I'd been after. He listened to my babbling and acted interesting but didn't gush over me, he asked me things he knew I liked from my mum telling him in advance, so I told him all about Pokemon and my cat

I think similar would work though, bring a little something or treat her while you're out to an ice cream or a fancy hot chocolate from a grown up coffee shop? Make her feel like you care and aren't just fussing over her for show. Has her dad told you anything about her? Does she dance, do karate? Anything at all? If not that's a bit hard for you! DM told my stepdad EVERYTHING about me so it made it easy for him!

I was here last December - meeting the boyfriends ten year old son. We did it very slowly. First I went over of an evening, met him ten minutes or so before bed. Then we had lunch together. Then dinner. Then I stayed over. Now we do daytrips with his and my kids together (they met between Christmas and new year a few weeks after wed met each others children)

The tactile thing is hard - im a very touchy feely loving person, but we were adults and didnt do it round the kids at first. Now our children are as affectionate with each of us as we are with each other - often find us curled up on a two seated sofa all five of us!

His ds was easier - there was a long break between his mum and me, and indeed someone in between.

His dd could harbour a little resentment especially if she's an only child and used to all her dada attention. Take things slowly - are you going somewhere where you could go for a wander after lunch alone leaving them just the two of them for an hour or so?

Don't try and buy her affection or delve too deep into her life. If you feel uncomfortable step back.

Try and take the pressure off. If you met a colleagues daughter, a friends daughter, a neighbours daughter how would you act? Friendly, make small talk.

I would just act as though she is just a friends daughter. Don't overthink it, don't start planning out the eventualities.

Wow, thanks everyone for your input! OK, so I should be...
Checking with BF about what DD and ex know about me
Hands off BF (I'm going to leave him to make physical contact)
Chatty and interested in DD without turning into an interrogation
Don't overthink it (imagine it's a colleague's daughter)
Just be myself (but age appropriate - mind my Ps and Qs!)
Relax and have fun

I think I can do that. We're going to a zoo/park so more aimed at kids than adults, which should take the pressure off and give us plenty of conversation openers I expect.

Be real and try to have a bit of fun - so that you can refer back to it later as part of your collective memories. See what support your boyfriend can give you as to conversation starters. Talk to her about your being ten - if its appropriate.

So Livid- how did it go??

Just time for a quick check in and update...
it went really well So easy and stress-free. Phew! She's a lovely friendly girl, well behaved, and the two of them have a great relationship (which makes me like him even more). I may have won brownie points by winning a toy she was keen on in an fair ground game (she tried but couldn't get it) and giving it to her

That is great - so pleased it all went well