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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Asked him to leave but wobbling

9 replies

uphillstruggles · 02/05/2014 08:17

name changer here for the obvious reasons. Married for 8 years. 2 kids together 2 of mine from previous relationship.

Emigrated a few years ago. Husband has always smoked pot. Ive always known. In the beginning it was a once every now and then thing. Fine I had no problem with that it was away from kids.

Over past 2 years Its become a problem. He worked in an industry with drug testing and was smoking what started off every weekend and has become every day. Fuck knows how he was cheating the testing. I have been asking him to stop for ages. In fact he did he was vile the first week but then okay but after 6 weeks he had just one and we were right back to the start.

It came to a head when he failed a test and lost his job. I didnt say I told you so but hell I wanted too. His smoking got worse 1/4 a week. We survived 2 months and nothing but somehow he still found money to smoke.

he found another job and promised to wean off it cutting down to weekends to start only he hasnt hes still having at least 3 joints a day and I cannot do it anymore.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 02/05/2014 08:21

Stay firm. You gave him a choice - weed or his family - and he's chosen weed. The relationship is over. So sorry it's ended but you are doing the right thing.

Greenrememberedhills · 02/05/2014 08:47

If he agreed to stop but hasn't, and us prepared to put family security at risk again, I would leave him.

Greenrememberedhills · 02/05/2014 08:47

Is

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/05/2014 09:00

Cannabis smoking is known to have a range of side-effects, including affecting reactions, mood, ands concentration. Even without the whole employment issue he was committed to something that was liable to affect relationships and the way he interacts with others. Losing his job over it as a family man showed his skewed sense of priorities.

If I were you I'd have insisted that he seek professional help to get this sorted, I don't blame you for having finally lost patience. Promises are just words, if he couldn't even commit to reducing his intake I too would doubt that he was serious in applying himself.

uphillstruggles · 02/05/2014 09:48

I am a bit terrified how we will get by. I cannot feasibly work even if I could get baby in childcare as one of the other children is chronic asthmatic and in and out of hospital. There is a welfare system but its calculator shows what I would get would cover rent and little else

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/05/2014 10:17

I know this might sound like far-fetched but is there any way you could come back to the UK?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/05/2014 10:18

Thinking that you might have family and support back here.

uphillstruggles · 02/05/2014 11:01

Not unless he grants me permission. Highly unlikely. Bit depressing as I have no family here and no close friends.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/05/2014 11:19

Don't know where you are but if you are in Australia have you looked at www.fds.org.au/? That's a support organisation for families.

Your DH probably doesn't consider himself to be in the category of users requiring specialist help if it's "only" pot. Six weeks' abstinence suggests he could come off it but he'll need help.

Drug services are geared up to supporting people with addictions to 'hard' drugs, but do not let that deter you from pushing him to talk to his GP.

Just that first step of admitting he has a problem is a powerful act.

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