Is lunch with female colleague ok?

[mrdrew]

See my other thread about my dh and his old colleague www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2065562-Would-you-mind-your-DH-DP-talking-to-another-woman-about-sex

I now found out that he meets her for lunch occasionally and used to go quite regularly when they worked together. He never mentioned these to me before but never said he wasn't going with her he didn't mention them at all.

I don't really like the idea of him spending time one on one when it's not necessary and work related but guess based on comments on my last thread people will think that's controlling but what do you think? Would you be ok with your dh doing this?

I would be okay with that, no roblem at all... But I'm basing that purely on this OP, I haven't read your other thread.

I will go take a look now but I'm assuming there are other issues at play here which, added up together, may not be as innocent as a platonic m/f friendship?

No issue with lunch at all. I think I'd worry if he actively hid that he'd had lunch with someone but other than that I wouldn't mind.

Look, do you suspect your DH of foul play or not ?

Asking isolated questions of anonymous people who don't know you or your DH is not going to be of much assistance

If you are putting some jigsaw pieces together and coming up with something then act accordingly

What do you want us to say to you ? If enough people say yay/nay he is cheating will it influence your actions at all ? Because atm, it looks rather like an academic exercise.

I don't have any other reason to suspect he is doing anything wrong so don't know why I am so worried about these things that seem to most people to be quite normal

I read your other thread, and was one of the, thats not too bad.

Put the two together, and I think you need to be asking some questions. It makes you uncomfortable / uneasy / insecure, so DH needs to respect that. However that might mean he stops telling you things. Would you be more upset if you discovered later he knew something and hadn't told you?

In the interests of full disclosure, I regularly have lunch with blokes at work, 'cause there are very, very few women. So its go for lunch with a bloke, or have a sarnie from home at my desk.
One of those mates sometimes comes to visit me at home when DH is travelling away - as in DH is away for the week, so mate picks up a takeaway, and keeps me company one evening while the kids sleep. DH knowns about this, and doesn't have a problem. A female friend does similar when her shifts line up with DH's travels. I probably have a skewed perception of what is normal due to the gender bias in my work environment.

Whatever the rest of us think, you need to let DH know how uneasy all this makes you.

I have lunch one on one with male colleagues

Always have done

Sometimes have lunch with ones I have kept in touch with for years so no longer colleagues and still meet up

No problem for me, DH doesn't mind, if he did I'd be pissed off with him.

Not read other thread.

I used to have regular lunch with a male colleague and hardly ever told DH. Who you eat lunch with is a fairly boring conversation starter.

It was neither a secret nor interesting to me or him to talk about. He knew I 'socialised' with this male colleague because occasionally I would talk to dh about something we'd been discussing, or comment on a particular lunch venue.

Maybe I need to grow up a bit but I wouldn't like any woman I was in a relationship with to be having 1 on 1 lunches with a bloke and having talks about sex with him.

He must know this is going to arouse suspicion.

I frequently lunch with male colleagues. We talk about everything from professional issues, holidays, family stuff and we talk about sex in a jokey way. Never about intimate details with partners or suggestive chit-chat between each other just fnar fnar type remarks that are funny and appropriate to the conversation.

I would have an issue with my partner having a non-work related dinner with a female colleague but not a lunch.

I don't generally talk about sex with them though.

Relationships, work, children, that sort of thing.

Past sexual misdemeanours maybe in a ha ha remember when way, probably.

I wouldn't sit there discussing what me and DH do in bed. That would be weird.

I have and have had lunch 1 on 1 with male colleagues where it means nothing.

But sometimes it is a recipe for trouble.

What chaseface says. Usually, talk is about his offspring or bicycling or work or the garden, university open days or equally fascinating subjects. If it's that sort of lunch, it's fine. If they're talking about sexting and stuff - I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

It depends on who, and I would feel a tad weird to talk such intimate topics with colleagues or friends. Well, you kind of want to check "am I right to think this" in that kind of way, but... There is a boundary somewhere to be drawn I think.

I do not know if it is one of those subconscious thing that goes on. I have to admit that I used to be more open about things, but within reasons, but I would always feel weird with new people or with people at work. I actually see people quite open about certain things, but in reality, it is indeed a little bit more inappropiate if anything.

Yes lunch with female colleague is fine... If my husband was jealous of me having lunch with a male colleague I would think he was being jealous, immature and pretty pathetic. It would make me want to do it more!

I agree with AF - if there's a few things you don't like about your DH and this woman, tell him/confront him x

No problems with lunch.

I'd be fucking livid about lying through omission though.

I had lunch with a male colleague today. It was work-related and a regular meet-up. I also have a male friend who works overseas - we meet up for lunch or a drink when he is back in the UK. Sometimes we have had general, jokey convos about sex. There is nothing remotely 'worrying' about either relationship, and if my DH objected I would be in an arse and a half. Or maybe I'd just laugh, actually, as it would be so silly.

But I have read the other thread and you seem unsure about why you are reacting like this. Do you have insecurity issues, or some reason to feel less 'worthy' of love and loyalty right now? Do you feel as attractive as you usually do? Your reaction seems over the top to me.