I'm lonely

[BaconSarniePlease]

Short story- moved countries for husband's job. Can't work due to the kind of visa I am on, no kids yet, haven't made any friends just acquaintances, miss my family. Half of me thinks I must be mad thinking like this when we have an opportunity to live here, the other half is just crying out for company. My husband doesn't work particularly long hours and we get weekends together, of course, but I am alone all day every week day and even though there is a lot to do here, doing it on your own gets a bit tiresome after a while.

I lived abroad for many years before and not had this problem as I was working and that took up lots of time plus provided me with a way to meet people in the same boat and cultivate friendships.

Tell me if I am just being a moaning Minnie but I am genuinely lonely and just needed to offload.

I think it's a case of life is what you make it! Things don't come to you so you need to go and look for them iyswim. Maybe google groups in the area or volunteer your skills for free to charity etc

What part of the world are you in? (If you don't kind me asking)

I was in that position for a year or so - moved with DH's work, no children yet, ould only do a bit of very sporadic freelance work, and knew nobody. So I took various classes (writing, a new language), joined a tennis group etc and by the time we left a year later I had met plenty of people. Is studying in any form an option for you? Or voluntary work?

Do you speak the language where you are?

It must be very hard if you can't work. I moved abroad with my ex and it took me five long months to find a job - I got very lonely (and it was in the days before internet) so I know what you're going through.

Most countries where expats lurk will have an American wives club (AWC) - google that - you don't need to be American to go along. Don't worry about not having kids, you will find kindred spirits there.

Google an English speaking club. You'll often find that people are keen to come together to practise their English.

Find a sports/leisure club - these are usually very sociable and they often organise special events. How about taking up a sport such as a basketball or volleyball? Again, these tend to be very sociable things to do in expat places.

Good luck!

Thank you for the replies.

I can't do any form of work or formal study on this visa. My husband's workplace arranged the visa, I think they like spouses being available to "support" their husbands/ wives at first, well that's the impression I get anyway. I can and will convert it to a different visa which I would be able to work on when I am legally allowed to do so. However, if I took a few day/ night classes somewhere I don't think anyone would find out. That's a good idea. I've joined the local pool and gym and go every day but haven't really chatted to anyone for any length of time there.

We're in New York, which makes my self-pity seem even worse somehow. I know lots of people would give their right arm to be here. I do realise how lucky I am in many ways, but there's only so much time you can sit in Washington Square Park on your tod. Plus New York seems to be chat-up Central, which gets on your nerves very quickly. I'm pretty skilled at deflecting it now but it does put you off going places alone.

If you're in NY then you could use meet up. I use it in London and it's brilliant. There are all sorts of groups/ages/interests etc. Google meetup.com. I just checked, there's one in NY.

The Americans are the easiest people in the world to chat to - far more so than Londoners. Think up a few intro questions and then at the pool/gym catch someone's eye, get chatting and suggest a coffee in the café if you seem to be shooting the breeze quite happily. If you're a bit shy you're going to have to figure how to push yourself a little bit to get the conversation going and then move it to a chat over coffee.

Don't take this the wrong way - are you sure you're being chatted up? I've worked for American firms for years and I just find the Americans so friendly that they'll say hi to most people... I'm not dissing you by the way!

I think NY is a hard place to make friends!

Definitely find something physical to do--dance class, tennis, maybe just a running group in the park? It will get you out of the house and among a friendly group of people.

Americans are quite free and easy with their chat, New Yorkers perhaps a bit less so, but nevertheless they are certainly happier to have a random chat with people than Brits.

As for being chatted up, yes it did sound a bit conceited! I am not talking someone just being friendly in the Starbucks queue but men actually stopping you in a museum/ the street to say how pretty/sexy/whatever you are (I'm not, btw). I don't think I am being singled out for it, I think it happens a lot over here to everyone.

I will check out the meet.up thing, thanks.

Meetup will make things a lot nicer for you!

Have you thought of writing a novel, something like that?

There are loads of meetups for learning new crafts, coffee meets, movie and book and writers' clubs, walking/exercise, etc.