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Original poster

Is setting really so bad?

19 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 01/05/2014 18:59

When you hardly know the person? I'm online dating ( trying Tinder ATM) and a few of the guys have started flirting and trying to push sexting.

I have done sexting before when online dating and it has been a bit of harmless fun if I really like the look of someone. However I read on here that it is a big red flag. So does a guy who wants to sext early on ONLY after a shag?

What I have found on Tinder is that is is a hook up site mainly. Enjoying the attention from the fit young lads though but most of them just want fun. I wish I could just have fun without getting attached...I'd be sorted!

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 01/05/2014 19:00

Sexting really so bad I mean...bloody phone!

OP posts:
Swishswash · 01/05/2014 19:02

Well, I think you've pretty much answered your own question really. Of course it's not bad per say, there's nothing wrong with it if you don't want a relationship and are just looking for fun online or at a push a FB situation (though tbh I'd even be wary of meeting up IRL with someone who introduced himself in such a sexual way with someone he hadn't met before).

But if you're actually after a relationship, run a mile then run some more

Lweji · 01/05/2014 19:07

I can't see the point in sexting a person we hardly know or even never seen.

Men who sext before even meeting you probably get off on the sexting alone and aren't interested in knowing you.

But it depends on what you want from them.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 01/05/2014 20:28

Why does it follow that sexting is the death knell of any potential relationship though? Surely finding each other sexy and being able to have sexy banter is positive?
Having said that, I normally only enjoy sexting after we have at least had a chat about hobbies and interests first. I recently got a message from someone wanting to know if I take it up the arse. Charming! Shame he put me off as he looked unbelievably hot in his photo.

OP posts:
chaseface · 01/05/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 20:35

How can you find someone you have never met "sexy" ? Confused

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 20:36

Christ, how awful

"Yes, I like museums and 1940's films in arty cinemas and do you take it up the arse"

Pitiful

Lweji · 01/05/2014 22:06

How can you find someone you have never met "sexy"?

This.

bragmatic · 02/05/2014 09:41

What the actual fuck is it with the anal sex? It's such a recurring theme in discussions about modern dating. Bloody hell. It's a question that seems to come before: "So, do you want to go out for a drink?"

JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/05/2014 10:00

I agree with chaseface. I've been on enough internet dates to know that sometimes when you meet you go, "oh...you are not what I expected...and in a bad way..." so there's no way I would be interested in sexting some random fella/photograph. How excruciating when you meet!

Don't you think there's something a bit....hurried about a guy who wants to talk about sex with someone he's not yet met?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/05/2014 10:48

Nearly totalled my keyboard with my coffee at this:

"Yes, I like museums and 1940's films in arty cinemas and do you take it up the arse"

Pitiful

My concern would be, if sexting someone, be aware that what you're saying isn't only being said to them, but to any number of their colleagues and friends.

A teacher friend told me her new boyfriend did this, the sad thing was, while he was being imaginative and thinking he was reducing her to a quivering jelly, she was mentally spell-checking his texts.

Lweji · 02/05/2014 11:00

while he was being imaginative and thinking he was reducing her to a quivering jelly, she was mentally spell-checking his texts.
Grin

Maisie0 · 02/05/2014 11:01

The ones that are sex texting means that they are split up over several people and the leave a little bit of their heart in each person that the meet. So this is why it is a big no no. Even though you my also enjoy the attention too. The attention is not focused solely on you. As they must have someone else that is kind to them, and then the wanted more sexual appealing attraction from someone else too. So that is why it can be so horrific an experience overall. It also means to me, now that I think about it, the guy will have zero relationship skills. No no, or rather, they have not got the attention span to listen to you and to be able to connect with you emotionally in this kind of "fast pace" dating life.

If you join in, then you also make it "normal" and it boosts their ego than anything really. I was in that place in my 20s before until I realised "hey, this is not ME, why am I doing this? " Play by your own rules, and not theirs. When I ditched "serial dating", this is when I got my own sanity back. It works. I can now judge a person for who they are, and have a deeper connection with them too.

BreakingDad77 · 02/05/2014 16:59

Not always sometimes they after lots of shags, and just getting a feeler for your sex drive. I sexted people when I was using online dating websites, though was on the back of some innuendo or something.

It was also on sites like ALT, AFF but that was after chatting and them reading my fiction. Though I didn't have loads of people on the go, was only one person at a time.

lavenderhoney · 02/05/2014 22:20

No point doing it if you haven't met them.

You only raise yours and their expectations and I guess it would be excruciating to meet after that and wiggle out of anything, having just spent a few days discussing positions:)

I have no idea why men ask about anal sex straightaway. Seems a bit forward. I think I would point that out!

Sexting is fine if you have met, slept with, and are engaging in a relationship with someone. Unless they are player and then you're just getting them all excited for someone else.

JaceyBee · 02/05/2014 22:40

I'm on tinder and I sometimes sext guys before I meet them. Like BreakingDad77 says, it's a way of getting an idea of what someone's like in bed, and whether it's worth my while meeting up with them.

But then I like hook ups, not looking for a relationship so a different situation I guess Smile

ChelsyHandy · 02/05/2014 23:47

It depends on the individual. Many women find it annoying and irritating. Or wonder what they get out of keeping married men happy playing games on the internet

If you just want sex, wouldn't you be better off going to a nightclub and checking out the goods in person?

ManonSings · 03/05/2014 00:03

As lovers, anyone who is obsessed with sexting seems to be a lot less articulate in person.

They are stuck in the "I'll text her all the rude things I am THINKING" but then in person very nervous and ooh I don't know what to do, I'll lie here like a weeble, you tell me and take control of me....

...but I have lots of texts saying I'm hot, so that proves I'm a Real Man Hmm

It's not really about connecting to you as a person or actually thinking about YOU in particular or developing some AMAZING sexual connection: you're more the Wank Service to enable them to escape from their everyday life, because they're bored.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 03/05/2014 09:17

I don't believe you can possibly get an idea of what someone's like in bed from a few texts cut and pasted from their mates phone.

Why not meet and see if there is a frisson?

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