How to seal with the urge to get back together

[Adayinthelifeof]

Myself and my wife officially decided to separate over a week or two ago. It was me that mostly wanted to separate with my wife wanting to try again. Neither of us have been very happy for the past 4 or 5 years and we've tried a few times to sort it out but both of us would have to change massively for it to work.

Since separating everything has been very amicable and we've decided who will be living where, how much money will be given to either person and how the business will be divided up. We're not using solicitors as they're vultures and try their best to get you to fall out so they can make lots of money. However legal documents will be drawn up based around what we've already agreed between us.

The thing is we're getting on great now and she is becoming more independent and we're having a bit of a laugh, which is what I wanted in the first place.

I still know that we are best apart but can't help feeling sad that we are chucking away nearly 10 years together. Any tips for dealing with the sadness?

I think as soon as you stop seeing each other it will be easier.
However, there is a reason why you got together and you will probably always feel a bit sad that it didn't work out.

It is still very early days so you need to give yourself some time to grieve.

It is lovely that you're both amicable to each other and sorting out the financial side as one. Just keep telling yourself that you are better apart, remember how unhappy you were together and just look after yourself for the moment.

Don't pressure yourself to lose your feelings, feel love when you want to, cry when you want to, shout and scream when you feel like it; just take some time to come to terms with your decision and remember that you made it for a reason.

Yeah I know it's right to continue with separating. Thanks for the support!

If you haven't been happy for 5 years then its not 10 years you've lost :) You've lost a happy 5 years that happened half a decade ago.

Thing is, if you did decide to give it another go then the reasons you split are still there, you haven't both suddenly become different people over the past week. It can also be a relief of sorts when you split that makes you seem lighter & happier, even giddy perhaps, but that's due to the split itself & none of the base reasons have been resolved.

You are doing the right thing, there are good & valid reasons why you split & its great that you're amicable (although bear in mind that some partners don't remain amicable for long once they see you are serious).

The sadness will fade.

hi. my ex and I were the same in getting on much more easily once decision finally made. laughing and chatting. being kind to each other and hugging. it was a comfort and a way to almost say goodbye too.

he wanted to leave. I made it clear door left open. 6 months later door definitely closed and definitely right thing to do in the circumstances we were in.

good luck