He is separating his finances from mine. What do I do about my debts?

[Twerking925]

DP and I have been living together for 16 years and have a 12 year old DS together.

We have been sinking further and further into debt for the past few years and it has been awful and stressful for both of us.

April was terrible. We couldn't pay any of our creditors. We told them that we would make bigger payments in May to compensate. DP's money came in today and he has only given me £150 but paid off all his creditors. £150 isn't enough for me to even pay our rent, let alone utilities and my debts.

He has been bankrupt before and doesn't want to fall in arrears with his creditors. I understand this, but I cannot pay our bills with nothing.

What on earth do I do?

Are you a SAHM?

Have you spoken to him firstly? What has he said?

This isn't just for you to deal with. He needs to take responsibility too. How he thought you could pay your rent and live on £150 I don't know. No matter how much debt you have it can all wait as long as you keep a roof over your head and food in your mouths.

I agree with the above, he should not be making unilateral decisions about where the money goes. Especially not since he has such a poor track record of financial management. As a former bankrupt, how on earth did he manage to get credit anyway? His debts may be in his name but your financial problems are family ones. If the rent isn't paid, for example, the whole family will end up homeless. Therefore who you pay and how has to be prioritised and managed.

Assuming you're in the UK please make an appointment for both of you to talk to one of the free debt advisory services such as CAB. You need professional debt advice very urgently.

Are you married? Are the debts in your name or both names? Having had a similar experience (if you are unmarried and debts in your name alone) legally there is little you can do. If the mortgage is in both your names then he is obliged to pay his half. Go and see a solicitor and get advice.

My ex was paying £800 a month towards bills and debts prior to leaving and then he said he couldn't afford anything and I was left right up shit creek.

Do you work? I have just embarked on an IVA. The relief is immense. I second CAB advice

How stressful! Are you married?

I would also speak to Stepchange (formerly the Consumer Credit Counselling Service) about this debt on 0800 138 1111.

Rent is a priority debt over the other stuff, is the tenancy in both your names? He needs to pay that first. If it's your name only you need to kick him out if he won't contribute as you will be expected as partners to combine finances by the Courts etc. if you are on your own you may then get the financial help you need to pay the rent.

I'd be losing him first, then sort out my own debts. Agree with cab.
Let him pay CSA, at least he will have to support his child. And get the benefits you need.
At some point it might be worth beind declared bankrupt. It depends on what you are aiming for in the future.
Do get sound financial advice.

Can you get a job?

Attilathemeercat is right...step change helped me sort out my finances...but i don't think it could be done if he is going to 'give' you less than even your rent...The rent is joint rent surely? The utilities are joint surely? To my mind you either sort out your difficulties as a couple which means joint resources and deciding together what needs to be prioritised, or you sort out your difficulties as a single person which you cannot do if somebody else is controlling the situation. ..If he won't share and face things with you then he is not being your partner and he has to go.

Speak to one of the free debt management agencies. you will be in a much better position than throwing lump sums at creditors and leaving yourself unable to pay the rent

What they will do is look at all your incomings and all your allowed outgoings ie rent/utitlities /food/tv etc etceven emergency fund then from what you have left over they will ask your creditors to freeze interest and take a pro rata payment from what you have left as disposable income. It will mean you will at least have peace of mind each month and be able to live on what money you have coming in.

Dont let him bury his head in the sand, there are ways out of this. An IVA is also an option depending on the size of your debt.

Whatever you do dont use a company that charges, the service is free.

Can you work at all OP? Then you wouldn't have to rely on him when obviously he's not reliable