can't let go during sex

[whitedoorbell]

apologies if tmi and am a bit

I have always been this way during sex. I have no problem making myself come but if my partner tries to do it quite often I just can't let go. they can take me right to the edge and then I start to panic that they will get fed up and bored and then that's it. I just can't come.

is this normal? and how do you get over it?
am missing out here ladies.. please help me

its really frustrating for me and embarrassing.

It's mind over matter really. The more pressure you put on yourself to 'get there' then the less chance there is of it happening. When it starts getting to that stage it might be worth just backing off, take a short break and then slowly get intimate again, just enjoying the different sensations. It's not essential to come every time, just take the pressure off, relax your mind and just get lost in the pleasure of intimacy, it will happen but it's going to be difficult if it becomes too much of an issue. Slowly, slowly and just block out those negative thoughts

thanks heyday

I know why I am like it. exh used to say "hurry up will you" etc...

spoke to dp about it... is a new relationship. he says he has all the time in the world and he wants me to enjoy myself. I do believe him. maybe I just need more practice

Well, I don't need to ask why he's your ex!

Take a deep breathe in and let it out slowly. It's on the exhale you might get there. It forces you to relax. Not only good during sex, but also putting in a tampon. Goes in easy on the exhale.

"...they can take me right to the edge and then I start to panic that they will get fed up and bored and then that's it. I just can't come...how do you get over it?..."

I'm exactly like this whitedoorbell. I get so far then worry they'll stop or change what they're doing because I'm taking longer than I think I should (although it's not really very long). I've never been told to hurry up but it's a thought that pops into my head after a few moments. What helped me was to explain this to my sexual partners. I'd say "I find it hard to come because I keep thinking you'll get bored or tired and stop or change tact at any time. This pops into my head and puts me off". They also know that when I say "that's good" it means "that's getting me there, don't change style or speed".

The older I've got the better I am at just saying exactly what I want sexually. I tell them that if they alter what they're doing when I'm getting into it the sensations have to build up almost from scratch, so don't deviate from the course! Then once they know to keep going it's down to me to trust them to do so. After a while, when they've proven they can do this, it's almost guaranteed I'll come. Communication is the key here I reckon.

Whitedoorbell I could have written your post. I had one ex who used to tell me he was "bored" because I took so long - he made me feel defective.

Even though that was a decade ago and my DH tells me I have all the time in the word, sometimes I feel like I'm on the edge and I can't let go because negative thoughts from the past flash through my mind.

The only way to get over it is to completely live in the moment, which is easier said than done!

I had a charming ex who told me his ex used to come in five minutes from oral every time, which instantly meant that I worried I was taking too long and didn't come. It took me several partners to get past that. I second the advice Livid gave bout telling your partner that you worry about things such as taking a while, because I found that once I was reassured that he wasn't bored/ numb/ cramped, it was no longer a problem.

thanks ladies.

had a chat with boyfriend and explained it and he reassured me. and will practice relaxing and living ib the momebt the

omg apologies for shocking typing

One very effective way of getting past being able to "let go" is to stop making orgasm your goal. Just enjoy the sensations of being touched, of being in your body, with absolutely no need of any outcome.

Perhaps make an agreement with your partner beforehand that orgasm is not the goal, and then if you feel like you're moving towards orgasm, go with your body's impulses; ask for what you want and need. And if it doesn't happen, that's okay. Sex is about intimacy, not the outcome. Far too many people are orgasm-orientated about sex. And, yes, orgasm feels wonderful. What doesn't feel wonderful is rushing to get there, not succeeding, and then somehow feeling you're a failure. You aren't.

The only thing you need to let go of to have an orgasm is your expectations.

gatewalker you are so right.

I don't think an orgasm is the be all and end all. like you said it is just enjoying the feelings and feeling relaxed and intimate with someone.

"I know why I am like it. exh used to say "hurry up will you" etc..."

Yeah it is a bit of a passion killer, his head popping up from under the duvet and saying that to you.

The time before orgasm should very pure bliss and tbh I don't care if I don't because I like the time before, which is almost a religious experience with the right chap.

The moment you start to think " its taking to long, its not going to happen" its very hard to get back. So I second enjoying the whole experience rather than focusing on the perceived end, as it were.

update

thank you so much ladies.... I listened and learned!

the long deep breaths out did the trick

am a happy girl now