No interest in sex WHATSOEVER

[DesperatelyLackingLibido]

Name changed for this (sorry!)

I have no interest in sex, none at all. DS who's 20 months doesn't help but I didn't have much interest before either tbh. We haven't had sex now in over two years. I've not talked about it with DH as I don't really know what to say; the rest if our relationship is great. When we first met we were always at it but that's gradually got less and less over ten years.

Lastly, and sorry if tmi, I've no interest in shagging anyone else either, have never masturbated (just felt ridiculous) and subsequently never had an orgasm (as you'd know if you had wouldn't you?)

Has anyone else been there but managed to come out the other side....? DH doesn't really bring it up but am sure it must really bother him at times.

There was a thread on here earlier in the 30days only about a woman who experienced her first orgasm at 33. Perhaps that might be worth a read?

Thanks
I'll have a look but am actually not that fussed, it's more like I feel I ought to be. Oh, am 39 btw (not that that makes loads of difference.)

It's easy to get in the habit of not bothering. Although you are not fussed, this lack of sex could drive your DH to have an affair. Of course not all men stray if there is no intimacy at home but reconnecting in a sexual way could bring a new depth to your marriage. I guess it's up to you to try to get yourself back in the mood. Perhaps get some nice underwear that make you feel glamorous, read or watch something a bit raunchy, maybe have a glass of wine to help you relax and make up your mind to let yourself go and enjoy it. Take it slowly and see where it takes you.

OP if you genuinely aren't interested at all then no amount of underwear porn and wine is going to get you in the mood. Can you remember what it was like when you were 'at it all the time'? What about him turned you on? Has he changed or is it just the general can't be botheredness that comes with having young kids (and believe me I know - I wouldn't need both hands to count the number of times DH and I have had it in the last 6 months). I think you need to try and figure out why you don't want to and then address that but if it really is as simple as it just doesn't appeal, like any other activity, then don't. BUT I think you'll have to openly address it with your DH. It MAY be that he isn't bothered either, or he IS and you will have to either find ways to reconnect on this level OR consider other options for him - its not unreasonable for you NOT to want sex but equally it is not unreasonable for him to want it.

I think experiencing an orgasm is very important in wanting to have sex. It's the culmination of desire, the release of sexual and psychologically energy. I'm not saying it's an end to itself in a relationship or sexual encounter but it is important.

I wouldn't be surprise if someone who never climaxes loses interest in sex altogether.

OP, you need to experiment with yourself, start massaging your bits down there and find out what works. All women have a clitoris, and there must be a way to reach it and stimulate it so as to make you orgasm.

You will not find masturbation ridiculous anymore after you've experienced an orgasm, believe me.

Buy a toy if you need help. I never tried toys myself but I've read some can work magic in that area. Find a time when you're alone and play and get to know your body. Maybe ask your husband for help. But don't give up on that part of life. Sex can be one of the most fulfilling things in life. Give yourself and -your husband - the opportunity to enjoy it to as much as possible.

I agree with tia above. Don't give up on orgasms. I started masturbating when I was quite young (12/13 I think) and it came very naturally to me. (Unlike full sex which I didn't have until my early 20s).

I find it a lot easier to climax when I masturbate. I do enjoy sex with a partner even without orgasm, especially the intimacy it brings, but I probably wouldn't find it so interesting if I'd never had an orgasm at all.

Take your time with it. Try different positions (oddly for me it's easiest lying on my stomach). Most importantly, be kind to yourself and don't see it as a chore/box to tick. This is about you enjoying your own body.

Your post makes me sad, OP. Just to reiterate what Tia and Awake are saying. I know if I had to serve food to my loved ones but never got to enjoy the taste of it myself, I'd soon get pretty bored of cooking. You won't starve for lack of orgasms, but your marriage might.

Even if he hasn't said so, it is very possible that your husband is unhappy with abstinence if you had an active sex life before. I am in no way suggesting you have sex with him when you don't want to, rather that you at least give a chance to things which might make you want to.

It is probably the last thing on your mind with a busy toddler to look after, but once your energy comes back and your have more time, do consider finding out what works for you. I never managed to make things happen down there until I had a very determined boyfriend who persisted over a number of sessions to help me get comfortable with myself and stop resisting the intense feelings. Eventually I took what he was teaching me to the safety of my own bed and had my first orgasm. Without him, I might never have discovered how. It's no coincidence I married him.

There is a book called 'Becoming Orgasmic' (which I haven't read so can't personally vouch for it being any good) but it was mentioned in an article I read recently about orgasms. It was recommended by a 'sexpert' for women who have not had orgasms or find them difficult to achieve.