I feel like I am losing my boyfriend of 3 years and I don't know how to get the relationship back. When I first met him, I really thought he might be the person I would marry and spend my life with but over the last 6 months or so, those kind of thoughts have vanished and I'm left feeling distant and ignored.
It started a few months ago when he had a big argument over a woman he works with. He was constantly on Facebook chat and had changed towards me since she joined his department. He suddenly talked about her ALL the time (even negative things occasionally, but he still went on about her) and she started liking and commenting on everything he wrote on Facebook. His work colleagues then sent him a birthday card and she'd written 'lots of love' and her name with loads of x's and didn't sign her proper name, but put a weird nickname. I told him I thought it was slightly inappropriate because all his other colleagues had just written normal messages that you'd expect a work colleague to write.
He got really defensive and accused me of being 'threatened' by her and said she wasn't doing anything wrong. I didn't mean to accuse him, I just said that I thought it was strange and he got really annoyed. I also noticed that someone from work had bought him 2 birthday presents (a chocolate bear with a heart around its neck and a mug) but he said it was someone else who had bought them and not her. Strangely, they are now no longer Facebook friends but this could be a cover up as it seems a bit random.
Anyway I tried to forget about it but he's so distant. We used to have a relationship that felt perfect. Now we hardly ever go out anywhere, he refuses to book a holiday with me, he never talks about the future (e.g. I would like us to move in together but he doesn't seem interested) and he doesn't even speak to me in the same way.
We haven't had sex for months. This is partly due to me having surgery for pre-cancerous cervical cells but that was a while ago now. I tried to initiate something last week but he just shrugged me off and said it was 'weird' and 'abrupt' and that upset me. I told him this and he said he just wasn't expecting it. I'm his gf so it shouldn't matter if I initiate something he isn't expecting - he should be excited. Never worried him before.
I noticed he's got Snapchat hidden in a folder on his phone and hes possessive over it. He takes the phone everywhere, even in the bathroom. I feel like I'm with a different person as he's nothing like the man I met. I suspect he's seeing someone else but I have no real proof. I had a talk to him last week and said that maybe we should have a break as things are so hard now, but he got upset and said things would change and we'd spend more time together. Since then he's not really bothered and I get short texts and he never phones me. He used to phone me every night if we were apart.
Our friends recently had their first baby together and I was excited about going round to see the baby, but he went without me and didn't mention it until afterwards. He told me we'd go together so I felt quite upset. I feel like I can't see them alone as they are more his friends than mine, but it would have been nice to feel included. He would never gone without me a year ago.
I don't know what to do. When I came close to breaking up with him, he seemed to want to turn things around...but I wonder if that's because he wants me to break up with him so he won't seem like the bad one to his friends and family.
What do you think?