Trying to get back on track...is this it?

[Anywhichway]

Been with dp four years and have a 12 month dd.

About a year in when were were arguing a lot he stated messaging girls on facebook, asking how they were, are they still with there bf? Nothing untoward but it made me feel uncomfortable - I felt he was fishing as it was basically ' hi xxx, how are you? Are you still with your boy friend?

I found these when we had got back on track and after a row, put them to back of my mind.

Fast forward to now, generally we have had a fun, happy relationship, very tactile. Although I was tired most of the time and didn't fancy making love, it dropped to once a week. He said I didn't fancy him any more he got really upset snout this one night and part of that is true but I think that's more down to the fact I don't respect him as much because I feel like I'm having to look after him like a child.

We had an almighty row and he walked out for a week.

During the week he called round to see dd and I asked to check his phone as I had a feeling he had been messaging girls again. He wouldn't ket me see and walked out.

We eventually sorted it out and he admitted that he had messaged a girl but It was work related but he deleted it 'as he knew I would get mad'

I asked him how he would feel if I deleted messages he wanted to see - " he said he would walk and I deserve better"

We both discussed we didn't want to split up. But nothing's changed. I feel angry he left us for a week and got to walk straight back in. I don't trust him. I dont trust the way he feels about me any more. Think he is here just for dd.

He used to kiss me when he got in from work and ask how my day was. That doesn't happen now.

This morning dh just kissed dd and walked out . He only really cuddles me in bed when he wants sex but I'm no where nearly in the mood for that.

I just feel like he is going through the motions.

I want us to be in that good place but it's like the spark has gone. I don't know what to do.

Any wise words?

He was really calm and cool about it. Basically only came back after he fucked off for a week because he was missing dd.

When we had sex after he came back he did some thing different and I noticed it. Probably already been fuckng about.

It was always on the cards, wasn't it? I told you that cheats always find ways to rationalise and I'm so sorry you had to find out the hard way what happens when you let a cheat back in your life. Well done for getting it out in the open, however. That can't have been easy. FWIW Babies change nothing when someone is that selfish and the idea of 'staying together for the children' is usually a mistake.

Do you have friends or family you can be with and talk to about this? You're going to need quite a lot of support .

Yes I do but I'm embarrassed to tell them, have already told my dgm last night.

The fact that he still tried to have sex with me knowing he so badley wanted out is horrible. Like I'm just some spunk bucket.

In honesty I would have give us to Xmas to both give this 100% so we could both say we tried but apparently he wants out now

Please tell your family because you have nothing to be embarrassed about. The shame is all his. BTW... even if you gave it until Xmas 2024 you would not 'both' be trying. He's been doing his own sweet thing for quite some time, taking advantage of your desperation to keep him and had no intention of staying in the relationship.

I'm sorry but if he's gone, he's gone and that's the reality you have to work with. All you can get out of him now is a commitment to ongoing maintenance for your baby and shared parenting. For those I would strongly recommend you get legal advice and make it formal because he sounds very immature, very irresponsible and the type to walk away from a child when it gets inconvenient.