I feel like we are growing apart.

[blueballoon1]

I have been married to DH for 12 years and we have always had a good relationship until recently. We have 2 dc aged 6 and 8 and he is a good dad. I can't explain why but I feel like we are not connecting as husband and wife any more but more that we are going through the motions. This is partly my fault as I have know you have to work at relationships and i have been neglecting ours, as has he i think. He never makes me feel special but I probably dont make him feel special either. I really want to make things better but i dont really know where to start.

Best place to start is to talk to each other. Usually this kind of thing happens when other aspects of life - kids, work, hobbies, TV, computers, whatever - start to take priority over you enjoying time together as a couple. I don't think you should have to 'work at a relationship' however.... makes it sound like a chore when the idea of spending more time together and reconnecting as a couple should be something that you should both jump at the chance to do.

Make space in you schedules, sit together over something nice to eat, turn off any distractions, park the kids with granny or put them to bed early and try to have the kind of conversation you might have had when you were first dating. FWIW I find reminiscing is a great jumping off point

It is like we are just going through the motions of sorting out the dc, house stuff etc. without anything else. He does have a hobby which he seems to talk about ALL the time recently.

You simply have to make time for each other, get a sitter and go out on your own and talk, and do fun things, that's what brings you close, are you not intimate at all because that's another good way to connect.

Thanks for the replies. We definitely need to have some fun together but I feel a bit like we have forgotten how to talk to each other about things other than day to day stuff. Maybe I am expecting too much. We still have a good sex life and I do feel closer after that, but we haven't been very intimate (hugs, kisses etc.) when there is no sex involved.

The sex is really important so that's really good you are keeping that up.

Wanting to improve your relationship is never about expecting too much, it's a good thing.

Go out on date night, go bowling together, even walking, you will have to talk, having a couple of drinks can help you to relax too.

Second the idea of taking part in an activity together as a way of giving yourselves some common point of reference that isn't the usual day to day. Teenage DS and I ended up having a really fun conversation yesterday over a bucket of golf balls at the local driving range.

That sounds like a good idea. I think sitting down to talk would feel a bit pressurised but doing something together would make it feel relaxed. We did go ror a walk together a few months ago and had a great time and I felt really close after.

Good advice on here.

Also, when was the last time that you went away together, just the two of you?