DP getting back in touch with ex

[ThePrisonerOfAzkaban]

Last year my DP wrote a letter and then a text to his ex, apparently he had cheated on her by kissing someone else before they broke up; and he wanted to apologise and ask for forgiveness. I found out in around about way - Facebook. But it was all the lies that went with it that did it for me, deleting the letter from the laptop, getting rid of it trash. Deleting and lying saying one thing then it coming out that it wasn't that way. Once we got back on track we got engaged, but I must admit the trust on my part hasn't been great since, (ex screwed me up that way)

Fast forward a year, I now find out that there was more to this letter then what was said, her getting back in touch. That was denied before and a few other things. The thing is now with all the letter/text/fb stuff how can I believe what he said is right and that he wasn't trying to go back to her? I feel that especially as the engagement was so soon after the lies that if she said she wanted him back then I would of been out the door. It just seems so odd to me for him to go so far out of his way to hide the contact and need to apologise so badly especially when it was only a kiss, we were in happy place with no issues and were making plans for the future. This wasn't the start of our relationship either it was a while before we met and he was seeing someone else in between (no overlap)

Am I right in thinking there could be more to this then he's letting on?

The fact that you think there is more to this than he's letting on - and with some justification - is because he's destroyed your trust by lying. Trust is such a fragile and personal thing that, once it's gone, it's very difficult to get it back. Like 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf', even if he's telling the truth now you don't believe him. A relationship with someone you don't believe and can't trust is a recipe for disaster. Suspicion will destroy your life. I wonder how you found out there was more to the letter, for example? If he volunteered the information, there could be hope. If you heard it from a third party, it's dicey. If you had to go digging about in e-mails or phones, there is no future.

So demand the full and honest truth from him, tell him he has a lot of work to do to restore your trust and postpone any ideas of marriage as a precaution.

Don't marry a man you can't trust.

So basically you feel as though you're a plan B? He was holding out for the ex & then when he realised he couldn't get her back he got engaged to you, is that right?

He lies, covers his tracks, his guilt is out of proportion with the act & now there's more stuff? he doesn't sound like a keeper OP, sorry.

A year ago he still may have had lingering feelings for her, "the one that got away". Is she local, has he been in touch since?

After your experience with an unfaithful DP you probably have no intention of being fooled again. If your now DP accuses you of giving him an inquisition, he should be under no illusion you want the unvarnished truth. These needling doubts will play havoc with your confidence. Is there anything more recent that has given you cause for serious concern?

They had apart for a year before we got together and we were together for 2 1/2 years before I found out the first time. If he was open about it I really wouldn't of minded, he is very sensitive and he does a hell of lot for me. Never moans about housework, my DS he treats like his own, takes me out on date nights and buys me flowers every week. It's just this issue. If I could of seen what he wrote I could get my head around it but it's the lies which hurt.

Fast forward a year, I now find out that there was more to this letter then what was said, her getting back in touch.

It is assuming gigantic worrisome proportions because you've realised belatedly there was more to it back then.

As Cogito was already asking sorry OP, can you clarify, when you say you recently found out more, how did that come to light?

It came to light as I am having a bad pregnancy and basically something happened which I said I acted that way as I didn't trust him completely, so talked about it but he forgot what he had already told me and let a few things slip. Which I pressed him on. It now doesn't add up to me.

I shall be honest I have just looked up at other threads as your nn rang a bell.

You have had a lot going on. "It never rains but it pours".

Please don't take this the wrong way - are you fed up and looking for something or someone to kick very hard? Because it sounds like you have had so much to contend with. I am not saying your worries are unjustified but are you resurrecting an old grievance to have a reason to lash out. I am sorry to suggest this butit did cross my mind.