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Original poster

Question about wedding photos for fellow divorcees

29 replies

NoisyBrain · 29/04/2014 21:17

Wasn't really sure where to post this. If there's a better place feel free to point me to it Smile

My parents are having a clearout of their loft and Dsis and I have been politely nagged asked to do a stock-take of our stuff that's been festering up there and remove it. Amongst my things is an album of wedding photos. I've been divorced from my cheating nob-end XH for several years but didn't really know what to do with this rather expensive album that my DPs paid for, hence it ended up hidden away so I didn't have to decide. Now dad is nagging me to take it away and I've asked him for a little time to think about what I want to do with it.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do? There are some lovely photos of my family and friends in there and I was thinking it would be a shame to throw those ones away. I'd like to extract those photos somehow and keep them. Does that seem weird? I don't have any contact with XH (and no desire to) so can't ask him if he wants the photos of his family.

Just for context, I've been with my current DP for over five years. He knows of the album's existence and my thoughts about the family/friends photos. Doesn't seem to have an issue with my desire to keep them.

OP posts:
celticghurl · 29/04/2014 21:19

Rip it up, spit on it and set it on fire. You dont need old memories of that cheating fuck brought up again

You can tell its happened to me lol

MirandaWest · 29/04/2014 21:21

I have my wedding photos to XH in the garage. Keep meaning to give them to him. Tbh I don't really want to look at them again - was in a different life.

joanofarchitrave · 29/04/2014 21:23

Take the album home, it's your history. Book some time in the diary to go through and make sure that the photos are labelled with who's who, pull out any particularly nice ones you want to have on display, then put it on a shelf or in your own attic...

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/04/2014 21:24

I held on to the wedding album from my previous H, simply because I didn't know if at some point my DD would ask about it and want to see it. She didn't - she realised what a FW he was years ago - but you know, just in case she hadn't.

Do you have DCs that might want any of the pics?

3mum · 29/04/2014 21:32

Went through mine. Since he was replacing me with other women throughout our marriage I cut out every picture of me and left the album for exH. Doubt if he has noticed.

tryingtocatchthewind · 29/04/2014 21:33

My DH was married previously to a cheat. All his family burnt their photos and never mention her name. I find it a little strange that I haven't a clue what she looked like. I'd have no problem with him keeping photos but if there's no kids involved I'd say burn them!

Original poster
NoisyBrain · 29/04/2014 21:35

Ooh you peeps in Relationships are quick repliers! Thanks Smile

We didn't have DCs (for which I thank my lucky stars as I don't have to see the twat anymore).

joan yes I think that's sort of what I had in mind, though your suggestion did make me chuckle celtic.

Right, I'm off for an early night (not THAT kind sadly, I have an 8 month old DS who's taken to waking at 3am lately) so apologies in advance for the slow response to any further replies!

OP posts:
momb · 29/04/2014 21:39

I kept mine for DCs. There are no friends I need photos of that I don't see now so wouldn't have kept it if not for DCs.

fluffyraggies · 29/04/2014 21:41

I binned it.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 29/04/2014 21:45

Save them for your dc. My parents got divorced and everything got destroyed. I feel like a little bit of my history is missing and I can't share it with my kids in the future

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 29/04/2014 21:49

Sorry, just realised you asked for the views of fellow divorcees.

littlegreenlight1 · 29/04/2014 21:49

I have mine from divorce over 6 years ago. I cant stand the twat but figured the kids might want to see some day. They havent asked yet and hes remarried so perhaps it will never happen.
If I didnt have the kids I would have got rid.

VelmaD · 29/04/2014 21:59

Mine are in my loft, for my kids to see. Its their parents afterall. I haven't looked at them for years.

If they didnt exist, well I dont think the photos would. My wedding dress went to the dump for instance.

My boyfriend has his wedding pictures still on his computer. Only realised when they came up as a screensaver (random photo slide) they dont have children, I wouldn't expect him to delete them though, its his past and up to him.

Though I confess to having looked at them and unfairly judged her in my head :-P

cjelh · 29/04/2014 22:00

I'd just move it to your loft. It is History the same as any old photo. I've kept mine but wouldn't want to look at them yet!!!!

Canihaveaslice · 29/04/2014 22:07

I have kept mine. I thought it would be nice for the dc to have them and also at the time I was happy and so it's part of my history. I would feel like I was deleting a piece of me. Marrying him is what helped make me the person I am today even thought the marriage didn't work out

BeforeAndAfter · 29/04/2014 22:13

I'm clearly in the minority but I've kept both of mine (two weddings, two divorces...). I actually enjoy looking at them because of everyone else plus I marvel at how young I looked in Wedding No 1! I loved both days and I see them as my history.

Years ago I tore up photos of a boyfriend who dumped me. This included loads of photos where he was just one of many in the pic. I regret it because that was a record of my late teens and I'd love to look back and laugh at my hair and clothes!

If you have DCs they may want to enjoy them when they grow up.

While you're deciding why not just stick the album in your loft.

MirandaWest · 29/04/2014 22:15

I suppose the DC might want to look at them. But if XH has them they will still be able to :)

SolidGoldBrass · 29/04/2014 22:16

Another vote for sticking the album in the loft or at the back of a cupboard. It's nice to look back on old photos to see the other people in them - family, friends, yourself all done up and looking lovely and younger. Or you could just go through the album, take out the ones you like best and bin the others, though that seems a bit petty, really.

Lweji · 29/04/2014 22:26

I'm keeping mine, somewhere out of sight, but mostly for DS and his future children.

Minime85 · 29/04/2014 22:47

I'd have said keep if have dcs. I. keeping mine for them and photos there too of my grandparents who are now all passed away so I couldn't part with them.

relatively my split amicable though and it doesn't bother me to look at them even though fairly recent.

go with your gut feeling. I'm all about that now Smile

kentishgirl · 30/04/2014 08:57

I kept a few of the photos but threw most away. I don't need the 'couple' type shots. But it's nice to have a few of the ones with our friends/family, it's part of my history, it's part of my son's background, it happened and there's no point trying to pretend it didn't.

You don't have to keep the whole album. Just extract a few that have meaning because of the other people in them.

Mitchell2 · 30/04/2014 09:04

I've kept mine, although as we eloped it's a very small album. No DC's and it was just a thing that didn't work out. I discussed with my DH and he said keep as it's a part of my life, and part of the story that lead us to get together.

I'm not sure what I would do if my divorce had been horrible though.

sanityawol · 30/04/2014 09:11

I've kept my wedding albums to exH. DH knows that they are there and has no problem with this. They're in the loft and I have no desire to look at them... they're just 'there'.

I have kept them purely for DD... if it wasn't for her I would have had a ceremonial burning. They are part of her history, and she may want them one day. Although at the moment she hasn't seen her dad in years (his choice) and she refuses to speak to him on the phone, so I suspect she may not want them.

DH's parents divorced when he was nine. His dad died 10 years ago, and DH has his parents wedding photos. They're quite important to him, which is why he understands about me keeping mine.

But, if you don't have DC from that marriage and your parents don't want to keep / store them then I'd say get shot of them.

struggling100 · 30/04/2014 09:14

Take it out of one loft, and put it into your loft - problem solved! But explain to your DH what you're doing so he doesn't randomly find it one day and feel upset.

WestEast · 30/04/2014 09:20

I binned mine. It was very cathartic to do with a glass of wine in hand.