Staying with partner because of baby?

[Inadilemma14]

I have a 3 month old with my partner. Our relationship is increasingly difficult and we fall out a lot. I still love him but a lot of the time I don't like him and he can be quite awful to me at times - calls me names, etc.
I know if we split up he would have visitation rights and the thought of being away from my baby makes me feel sick. I physically ache at the thought of having to be away from him on weekends, having to share birthdays and Christmases, etc.
He is also EBF. I don't know what to do as I know it's an unhealthy relationship and I don't want DS to grow up thinking this sort of relationship is normal and damaging him (I'd never be able to forgive myself) but very selfishly I don't think I can handle having to hand him over to my partner for nights etc.
Apart from the odd nappy change, I do all the childcare and have done since day 1. My partner is happy to go to football every weekend, go out with his friends, play golf and I'd be scared to leave DS with him. He has no idea what to do if he cries so I'm always the one settling him, cuddling him and obviously feeding him as he's breastfed.
I just feel stuck. I'm no longer happy in the relationship and I know my partner isn't either but I'm terrified of having to be apart from my baby.

I would imagine your partner wouldn't be that bothered about contact. You could always arrange to be present during contact at least for the first few months and then see about changing it if he improves. But I'm guessing that as time goes on he won't make much effort. While he's ebf no one will force him to be away from you for any significant amount of time.

Do you have much support?

Cailin my partner is the type of person to push for custody just because he can :(
Yes I have a lot of supportive family, and my mum has always said I can go and live with my parents. I feel very lucky because I know lots of people don't have the support that I have.

Well staying together because you don't want baby out of your sight is just not right is it. You will have to leave baby with him sometimes, it's not healthy for him not to have proper contact with his child.

I would say you should split, esp if you are arguing all the time, even babies pick up on this, you're a single parent anyway.

The fact he calls you names also is enough to call time on it, where is the respect.

I know it's not right. The thought of it just hurts me so much, and I feel so guilty because I grew up with divorced parents and I don't want my baby to have the same.

Threats to push for custody are usually bullshit used to scare you and stop you from leaving. If he can't be bothered to look after him now, why will he suddenly be interested once you've left? The answer is, he won't, he's just using his own child to scare and control you. The utter bastard.

Ideally I think what you need to do is get your stuff together and just leave. Let him know that if he wants contact he can arrange it himself. If he knows you aren't afraid of him and that he will have to do all the running himself then with any luck he'll just fuck off.

Do you work?

Are you the main carer?
And as you are EBF no-one will expect you to be away from baby for more than a few hours.
If you OH is being an arse about it then involve SS.

But for now, for your own sanity, get back to your family for the love and support you need with your new DC.
He is verbally abusing you and probably worse.
Leave now while baby is young and it will be so much easier.
So glad you have support around you.
Good luck, you know what to do.

I would rather raise my child in a harmonious atmosphere rather than one full of aggression and name calling.

I'm on ML from work but I'm not returning to work. I'm starting university in September and my family are helping me with childcare. Yes I'm the main carer. I do everything for my baby. He doesn't even push the pram for 5 minutes when we go out anywhere.

Definitely time to leave love. If he won't even push the bloody pram then there's no chance he'll actually want to look after him all night. Just get yourself and your lovely little boy away from him. You'll be fine.

I left my abusive partner when my DS was 5months old. It was hard as the threats continued but they were just threats. Will he pay maintenance willingly do you think?

My ex had contact just for a couple of hours at a time at first; he didn't have him overnight for a few years. In hindsight I would have arranged contact at a contact centre but I wasn't very good at setting boundaries.
My DS is now 9 and has a v good relationship with his
dad, and stays with him every other weekend. It has worked out ok but would have been a nightmare if we had stayed together.

If you think he'd only push for custody for effect, then go ahead, split and find yourself a solicitor. Very small babies are not expected to spend nights away from their mother so any contact would be quite short-lived. By the time your baby was old enough to spend the night with Dad, my guess is that he'd have completely lost interest.

Don't force your baby to grow up trapped in an unhappy adult relationship. It's cruel