My parents

[Photinia]

Namechanged for this. Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve, other than offloading.

My parents have been married for over 30 years. He's mid-70s, she's mid-60s. Very traditional husband-wife roles. They are both a bit eccentric, with questionable social skills/awareness, and I wouldn't want to be married to either of them! But their hearts are in the right places.

DPs are selling their house, planning to move our way. Which is great. Except that DF has now told me that they are planning to buy separate houses.

I have no idea how this is going to work. I don't know if DM knows (or rather isn't in denial that) she is going to be living alone. DF thinks he is going to get 'lodgings', which he last did in the 1970s when a matronly type looked after him. DM hasn't got a clue about money or legal stuff.

DH and I have one DD, 21mo. For various reasons, it's not been the easiest few years but we are just getting to the stage of enjoying parenthood. We're going to be picking up the pieces, aren't we?

The one saving grace is that they (and to some extent we) can afford to throw a certain amount of money at the problem. Anything else we can do? Or is this all going to be OK?

So, basically, your father wants to leave your mother? I don't think it will be all that difficult to get her up to speed with running her own household. She would have to do it if your father died. She just needs a bank account and some standing orders/direct debits set up.

Good for them for arranging an amicable separation when their relationship has ended, instead of struggling on together until one of them dies. They clearly feel that they will be happier living apart. This is clearly a big shock for you, but it's best that their decision is respected just as much as it would be if they were both twenty years younger.

If she is involved in a church that sounds like a good social route to me - there are often spin off things like church halls and choirs and brownies/guides she could get involved in or help out with? If she isn't up to googling, becoming a regular reader of the local rag is often surprisingly useful in getting you up to speed socially with a new area, that's what I did when we moved here.

My mum is 66, if I suggested she moved to sheltered accommodation she'd tell me to do one I don't think ageing works the same way any more as it once did.

Mintyy I think she'll be OK with the day-to-day stuff, at least until cheques do finally die off! It's managing her investments and that sort of thing that I'm a bit more concerned about. She has form for burying her head in the sand.

MadBusLady she's Quaker, so I think finding somewhere where she can get to her local meeting house easily will be important. I can easily imagine her in a local charity shop or something like that, too.

Motherinlawsdung that is well said, thankyou.