feeling a bit hopeless

[dontcallmehon22]

I split up with h of 7 years last April. He can't have our 3 dc overnight ever as he lives with mil and she says there's no room. If he has them, it's at my house. He makes a mess, smokes outside and chucks his fag butts all over my garden. If I complain, he shouts and storms off. He has no boundaries. I work weekends and need some support in terms of childcare.

I work evenings and weekends as a tutor. I llike the job, but the hours make life tough, both as a parent and as a person trying to get life on track. Ds starts school in September, so I thought I'd do a couple of days a week supply and maybe free up a weekend day.

I met someone online in October and fell madly in love. I thought for a change, things were looking up. We adored eeach other. We went to Paris. He told me he'd never felt like this about anyone before. I believed him. It brought a little bit of joy into my life. But he hated my ex being in my house. He had a huge problem with it. I didn't know what to do. I felt under pressure from all sides. New man didn't have dc and I think it was too much. It ended, very nastily and angrily

I contacted him recently, saying I've been struggling to move on as I have so many unanswered questions. I asked if he'd be prepared to meet me to answer them - no agenda except closure for me and to clear the air.

No reply.

I just feel a bit hopeless. I'm sitting cuddling ds and telling myself that one day soon everything will be ok. I keep looking at friends with their happy marriages and wish I could have that too.

I've been on some dates but no one interests me and I don't know if anything could ever work with my dc and my situation.

When recent ex left me, he sent a text to say that I might be ready for a relationship, but my situation certainly wasn't and no man would cope with it .

so now you know you put it behind you.
be kind to yourself and stop beating yourself up

Practically do you have any HErs in your area? They can need a day time tutor - they pay may not be bad either, normally a small group.

I probably will check at some point. Home ed would be fab if I could find some.

Hi dontcallmehon I lurk on the dating thread and remember your story, I identified with you as my ex also left me last April. I spent the first 6 months grieving for my marriage, the life I no longer will have and the 'ideal' family I never will have again. It was a truly horrendous time and my friends remember me wailing to them at how I will never find anyone who wants to take me on plus my two fairly young children and my first DC, how shall we put it, can be rather difficult to handle and a real pain in the a*!

I was lurking on the dating thread as I went to see family in August and on coming back, I felt kinda ready to see if I wanted to date again. Then a month or two later, completely unexpectedly, someone I knew on a hi-bye basis asked me out and I said yes, despite him not being my normal type (I thought I better break with type as obviously my usual type did not work out!). I wasn't sure on the first date but by the third date, I was hooked (but took me longer to admit it!).

I spent a lot of time in the beginning questioning if it was right, if it was too soon and whether he really wanted to be with me. He separated from his wife 6 months before my split and has a DC as well. He told me that it was that first conversation we had when I came back from my visit to see family that I said I have two children and that I had split from my husband that he thought about asking me out. He said he thought it was perfect that I had DC as he wasn't sure he wanted to date anyone without any DC at all.

He has met my DCs and he handles my DC1 beautifully. My DCs adore him. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy, he has had to put up with me being down about my marriage breaking up quite a lot as we started going out only 6 months after my split and he misses his DC a lot too. But he has been a rock to me for the past 6 months and I adore him. My friend reminded me the other day how I wailed about not finding anyone... And gosh, how far I have come! And you will get there too, dont, but I agree with the other, you need to establish strict boundaries with your ex. And to get yourself in a happy place. Before I met my DH, I worked hard at getting myself out there doing things for myself like running, socialising etc so I didn't need a man if you know what I mean. And I loved it. Take care.

Thanks Angel. I guess I just feel so low. He ignored my email. He clearly sees me as a deranged stalker who is harassing him. I feel absolutely worthless.

dont You are not worthless and don't let a man make you feel that way. Go out and do something for yourself and I don't mean go and act like a party animal with your friends and pretend everything is okay. Go and run. Or go to an art gallery. Or go to a movie. There's a time to grieve for relationships and there's a time to try and grow yourself as a person. An old friend of mine whose relationship was breaking down just after mine did came to see me and we spent a week just having afternoon tea and going to a gig and we both had heart-to-heart and while that was good, equally good was us having a good time, remembering how life doesn't always have to be doom and gloom, even when the most important relationship of your life has ended or beginning to end...

I just think he could have given me that courtesy. He bought me a lovely bag which I've been using. I've put it away for now. Looking at it doesn't help.

How long were you together? If you met last October, it can't have been that long.
You defo need to let this man go - this is really unhealthy obsessing. IT sounds like you have loads on your plate - I really hope you manage to get all that sorted out soon, as if I had that much to deal with, no way would I be ready for any new relationship.
I know from the dating thread you are dating pretty actively - I'd really try to take some time out to sort this out and get your head in a good place. You seem like a very intelligent, vivacious woman - don't let any man take this away from you.
This guy geeky isn't worth your time and you know that - I suspect what you really want is for him to say oh, i was wrong, let's make another go of it. But that would be the worst thing of all - you have said he was an emotional abuser.
Just let it go. I mean this in the best possible way so I hope you don't think i have been harsh

I don't see my situation changing so maybe I just need to accept being alone.

It was 4 months. But I had very powerful feelings and he said he felt the same.

Much as I know its not great for you and I wish he had replied to you.you have kind of helped me as I am in a similar situation and really wanting to get in touch with someone but know that I shouldnt. I keep umming and ahhhing about whether I should and I know that if he didnt reply I would be totally gutted, so think I am going to leave it, if he wants to contact me he will, if not, then his loss basically! (easy to tell myself that, not so easy to believe it, but I have to for my own sanity!) So am glad I read your dilemma really, as its really put me off contacting him.