After much thought I have decided to accept financial help from (abusive?)M

[JanuaryKat]

Not my finest moment.
DMother offers help & then pulls back.

I need to get the divorce process rolling & apply for court orders. She is in an 'offering financial help mode'

It will be at an emotional cost.

Tonight I have been asking h to let me go, for it to be amicable. Asked him why he wants to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with him. He just responds that marriage is for life & then in the same breath says he will instruct his solicitors re divorce.
I tell him I no longer find him attractive, he then says he feels the same way about me & he then repeats his mantra about marriage being forever.

I would be grateful for any advice - do I go into the emotional shitstorm of accepting financial help from abusive DM or do I continue as is. Living hand to mouth & hoping that I will have the money to divorce h sometime in the future?

if there is that much money sloshing around in various properties (and if H owns them then YOU BOTH own them) to offset divorce bills until after its all sorted? I thought some solicitors did that?

and what kind of councilling was that? sounds like victim blaming to me

Also... what unexpected said!

The abusive mother daughter relationship is probably difficult for most people to understand.

I don't actually know what a so called 'normal, loving' relationship is with an adult.

The pay off is nothing. I don't know what she's done in the past, but she can only take (emotionally) what you will give.
She can't make you feel guilty, she can't make you listen to abuse.
Take the money, and run. (not as in run away from your house! Just - take it, and me resolved to accept no strings that are attached to it)
But speak to WA first.
You'll have to toughen up if you're going to take her money but not be affected by any crap from her.
You need to speak to a solicitor, and get this divorce underway - it's the only way to get your money and share of marital assets out.

I thought that description was v kind ??!

I don't have any other options. I will have to accept 'help' from DM.

The sooner it's done, the sooner it will be over with. It is better that you divorce this man and set up some proper custody (i.e. none for him) and financial arrangements asap.

Just remember... this too shall pass! Sending your way

I'd take the money while it's on offer frankly. And get legal advice to sort your divorce ASAP.

January, in the short-term, could you bear to take in some lodgers? Even if the house is old, huge, cold and run down there is a huge shortage of rental property, and if you charge a low rent you shouldn't have a problem finding decent lodgers. You can always offset slightly crummy shared accommodation by offering evening meals? Lots of books around, cleaning services and amusing conversation over a nice home cooked meal can compensate for shabby living quarters!

Contact your local university. They often need short-term accommodation for temporary or visiting staff, or mature students. Or look at taking in younger foreign language students.

If the main issue is also the rental property, then I'd do my best to sell it, even if only your share to someone else, to STBX or force him to sell.

You may also need a forensic accountant to find out about STBX finances.