Happy, Sad, Happy, Sad, Happy, Sad...........

[feelingsilly123]

Hi everyone,

Recently I have been feeling really down, and have no idea why. I am also making myself feel worse. I have a good job and lovely family and have also been with my partner for 2 and a half years.

All I have been doing for the past 6 - 8 months is attempting to make myself miserable. My partner had a relationship 4 - 5 years ago, and yet I find myself often thinking about how much prettier his ex girlfriend is and wondering what he sees in me. He does nothing to make me feel like this however I just cant help but put myself down. I always think oh wouldn't he be better being with her, shes prettier, more popular and has a lot more money than I do. So why be with me.

This is all in my head I know it is. He doesn't even talk about her and would probably think I was a nutter if he knew how often I torment myself about his past relationship. I even try and convince myself that well people get divorced after 30 years together and have new partners etc. So what am I doing to myself?????

I just feel really really negative. I lost my nan in December and I was very close to her. I really feel that I am battling against everything at the moment and am preventing myself from happiness.

Lots of posts on here say reading self help books, I don't know where to start to get out of this mindset.

Sounds like you are grieving, and maybe a bit depressed? Bereavement counselling is sometimes done by charities for free. Might this help you?

Mild depression, a crisis of confidence, grief. It could be many things but the overriding emotion seems to be one of huge insecurity. Insecurity IME is often triggered by change... which fits with the bereavement. When there's a big change in your life it can be very unsettling, make everything look transient and leave you feeling rather exposed.

If your partner is a decent bloke, you can explain this to him, say it's making you feel wobbly/uncertain and ask for some extra reassurance, consideration and general TLC.

I feel really silly for feeling so down, I keep thinking how can I feel so sad she wasn't my Mum she was my Nan. Everything seems a chore and I don't look forward to much (even though a little part of me knows it isn't all bad?)

Thanks for replying

It's not silly. My Gran died over 10 years ago now. She got to a creditable 97, mad as a box of frogs and I miss her very much indeed. Talk to people who remember her like your DP and your other family. Talk to her if it helps... (I'm not recommending mediums - I have a photo on top of the piano Gran left me and we still have fabulous chats and the occasional bawdy singing session :) ) You could plant a memorial rose in your garden or something else cheerful perhaps?

I'm glad a little part of you knows it's not all bad because that suggests a 'normal' kind of sadness rather than clinical depression. But do consider talking to your GP if you think the way you're feeling is not lifting at all.

since I was about 14 i've been making myself miserable. Now i'm constantly either happy or sad and the happy can last up to 6 hours then I can be sad, then the sad can last up to 9 hours. or, I can have an hour of happy, 10 minutes of sad, then happy, then sad, then depressed, then happy, then ecstatic. it drives DP mad.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Have you seen a GP leedsgirl231? The kind of extreme mood swings you're describing may be a treatable MH condition or even symptomatic of a physical health problem. If you're already getting medical care consider asking for second or third opinions.

cogito I've gone to GP, all they said was "What did you expect me to do, by you coming here today?"
I said, "I want some damn help" and she said
"We avoid giving anti-depressants out"
and I asked about my thyroid as it's 'borderline' under-active. She said she cannot give me thyroxine as my level is 4.4 and they can only give it out at 4.0
I don't have a bad life. Got my DP, a job, money in my pocket, clothes in my back and food on the table. why am I so upset about everything? I think it could be my pill. i've not been the same since I started taking it.

Strongly recommend you seek a second and even third opinion until you find a GP who is more constructive. GPs are a very mixed bag and occasionally you have to be persistent.

You could try and see another doctor for second opinion, ask to be referred for counselling and look on Mind website or give them a call and see what they say. You could ask doctor to change your pill as it could be a toxic hormone overload for you and it may need to altered.