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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please tell me this isn't normal??

27 replies

Missfishandchips · 27/04/2014 18:36

So, as per there's this guy... he's 5 years younger than me, he's 25 and I'll be 30 in a few months. He's held a mahoosive torch for me since he was 19, but I've always seriously battered him away. He's always texted, almost begging me for dates, but because he's always come across as far too keen I've always said no.
I bumped into him last week by accident, we got to talking, and he asked me out on a date (again), however, this time I said yes, thinking 'why not?'
The date comes, and it appears to go really well, I was shocked at what we had in common etc, and there was a lot of hand holding, and kissing. He asked me if I liked him, and I said, yes actually I do... So, the date ends, I have that n'aww good date dreamy feeling and off I go home.
The next day the little head fuck says to me, I've spooked him by saying I like him?!?! He's said he's not sure what he wants etc, and he needs time to think about things. I then point out that we've only had one date, and he's pretty much hounded me for years.
He's still kept in contact, some days begging for me to come over, or wanting to know what I'm doing etc.
Last night I went out, and he said have a good time etc. This morning, he's bloody blocked me on facebook, and the tried to carry on a normal text conversation. I've asked him why would he block me, he's lied and said 'Oh, I've had problems with my ex so I've come off'. So, I've got rather fed up of the crap, and sent him a message along the lines of, why would you hound me, then block me.
Now for the cringy bit...After I'd sent my 'don't contact me again message', I picked up my phone to call my friend, was merrily listening to it cal out, and then bloody realised that it was actually calling him...!! I now want to crawl under a rock and die!!

The main question is, why would he go to all the trouble to get a date and then blow me off? I do know he only split with his gf at Xmas, but still, it's no way to behave??

OP posts:
Lweji · 27/04/2014 18:40

He sounds like very bad news.

Don't bother yourself trying to figure him out. And certainly don't reply to him asking for explanations.
Just block him, don't answer any phone calls and if he contacts you tell him to stay away or you'll report him to the police for harassment.

Fairylea · 27/04/2014 18:40

He's just a player. Probably flirting with other people on Facebook and keeping his options open.... sorry. It doesn't sound like he wants anything other than sex to be honest. Very immature (and not because of his age... I met my dh when he was younger than that and he was never like that).

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 27/04/2014 18:43

He's just mucking you around. And I wonder now the thrill of the chase has gone he's got bored. Ignore him.

Tinks42 · 27/04/2014 18:45

exactly what lweji said, don't ever speak to him ever again. For him it was some sort of payback deal i guess. Put it down to experience.

Block, delete, ignore.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 27/04/2014 18:47

Looks like you were right to keep him at arm's length all that time.

Don't get into a texting rigmarole. Life's too short just move on.

wyrdyBird · 27/04/2014 19:40

Doesn't know what he wants + Needs time to think = Got someone else

(or several someones)

This one's a player who started young, and set you as an early challenge. Drop him, and look for someone decent.

MsBumble · 27/04/2014 19:49

Mind games, immaturity etc.

You don't always need an answer to bizarre behaviour. Just know he is a waste of your time and if I were you I'd completely cut him out of your life.

BeCool · 27/04/2014 19:54

Who the heck knows - but your instincts were right. He's a time waster. I'd have no more to do with him and certainly don't waste any of your time and energy trying to figure him out.

paxtecum · 27/04/2014 20:28

He's a nutter.

IHaveSeenMyHat · 27/04/2014 20:30

Ugh, what a twat. At least the red flags appeared straight away. You're well rid.

ILoveYouSamStarman · 27/04/2014 20:30

Take a deep breath. Now forget him. He was keen for years, you gave him a chance, he turned out to be a loser. Nothing lost. Move on.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/04/2014 20:32

In future, date men and not boys... Confused

wishinwaitinhopin · 28/04/2014 07:35

He's definitely got a girlfriend and needs time to decide whether to ditch her for you. Is what I would assume.

prawnypoos · 28/04/2014 07:51

I was sort of seeing a knob like this. He would unfriendly me in Facebook and then make out I had done it. He would ask me to go over to see him at stupid o'clock (he lived about 30 miles away and would demand I get a taxi) we would arrange to see each other and then at the last minute he would cancel. He was very manipulative and good at turning things round to make you feel like it was you at fault. His mum was ill and he would use that as an excuse for me to come round. In the end I just told him I'd had enough and walked away. A very immature, messed up, silly little man. Don't do it to yourself. Head fucks

HeartHotWaterBottle · 28/04/2014 07:58

You batted him away rather than battered, I take it??

Sounds like emotional immaturity. He'll be back at some point.

gering · 28/04/2014 09:42

A Facebook user tells the whole story

expatinscotland · 28/04/2014 09:49

Get rid. He sounds immature.

crispyporkbelly · 28/04/2014 09:53

Seems like you should go with your gut and bat him away again. Weirdo

pictish · 28/04/2014 09:54

Look...he probably doggedly flirts like that with lots of women, besides you...begging for a date and what not. I've met (but never actually dated) men like that before.

He's having a giraffe with you. He'll use you for sex and company according to his own schedule, but bodyswerve being pinned down to yours. You're right to throw him back in the sea.

Regarding him seeing your missed call on his phone, just tell him you wanted to reiterate your point about calling it a day.

oldgrandmama · 28/04/2014 12:32

Ignore, block, forget him ... he's messing with your head. He sounds a bit of a twat, to be honest. But watch out he doesn't become stalkerish ... which is why you should block him from phones, Facebook, whatever.

AnyFucker · 28/04/2014 12:34

he like the thrill of the chase and then loses interest when he "catches" you

just bin him off and forget him

Don't engage any further with him

arghhelpme · 28/04/2014 12:41

Are you sure he hasn't deactivated his fb account? I know a few people who deactivate every now and then, it seems as if they have blocked you but haven't.

struggling100 · 28/04/2014 12:57

Oh gosh, we're not mindreaders you know! Smile

Some possibilities...

  1. He idolized you and put you on a ridiculous pedestal, only to find out that you were a 'normal' woman on the date. He couldn't deal with this, which makes him immature.
  2. He is a consummate player, who 'hounds' lots of women who fall into the trap of thinking they are the 'special' one for him when actually he's replicating the behaviour he showed to you with dozens of others. (This happens often).
  3. He is seeing someone else, and blocked you so that they wouldn't find out about the date.
  4. He's a chaser... one of those people who loves the pursuit of other people more than the attainment. As soon as you had gone on a date, you became attainable and less interesting to him as a result.
ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 28/04/2014 13:03

Keep away. Sounds like an attention seeker to me.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 28/04/2014 15:15

Forget him. Totally insignificant nothing. He's always been a nuisance buzzing around, you went on a date, he's immediately shown himself to be a knob. End of (not very interesting) story. So you called wrong number - who cares - he will make of it what he will but it really matters nothing to anyone. He'll be back in touch and this time just say, sorry - will you just buzz off - I'm really not interested.