Am I being selfish or is he?

[Secretescape]

I had a long thread on here last summer about my DH. Basically he was having an affair - I guessed then looked for evidence which I did with the support of you lovely mnetters. (Have name changed)

So he moved out, we had separate counselling, I decided I wanted to try again. We made a "plan" of how things could improve and with the DTs seemingly much better IMO this was working out well.

Then he changed jobs which I fully supported for his career progression and self development. We discussed it and we knew that it would be hard for a few months with me doing all the childcare runs and working part time, but that eventually - once he was more established - he'd be able to take on drop offs/pick ups again.

Well as bad luck would have it this all coincided with the DTs being ill again (on and off for a month) so I (and he) was exhausted. But again I consoled myself with the long term plan. We were still managing to go out as a couple and talking about plans eg booking a holiday.

So to the point - he has now told me he's really unhappy, he's falling out of love with me, that he's bored and (because I do his washing, cook dinner and do the housework) I treat him like a child.

I was knocked sideways by all this and to me it feels like he's experienced the thrill of the affair and now the normality of a comfortable family life is beneath him.

How do I go on from here? I do love him (but am obviously desperately sad at the moment). I feel he's being selfish and that when you're a parent with a job and family life can't always be thrilling - sometimes it just as it is.
On the other hand at least I know but I feel I haven't changed since before we had children and that I am (was) happy. Does this make me the selfish one?

Any advice and support would be welcome.

Tell him to FOTTFSOFATFOSM

I'd tell him to sling his miserable hook. You took a major blow to your self-respect letting him back in your family in the first place and he's throwing your sacrifice back in your face. See a solicitor, start thinking seriously about life as an independent woman and let your STBXH go be unhappy somewhere else...

That means kick him out.

What Fusspot said.

Well obviously you ought to tie yourself in knots to hang onto this unfaithful, malcontent, critical, self esteem crushing rogue of a man.
Jump to!

Or...you could treat him with the contempt he deserves and pack his cases.

Love, just get rid now and NEVER take him back again.

You will be fine on your own.

Best wishes to you.

Do you think he might be seeing the OW again?

Yep, tell him to sling his hook.

Well, stop doing things for him and wish him well in his new life.

He is being selfish. Get legal advice, get everything ready then tell him that actually, you're bored of trying so hard and having to put up with such a miserable, selfish man so actually, you want him out. And please follow through.

1. Immediately, as of this very minute, stop cooking for him and washing his clothes, and demand he do 50% of the housework - there, that is one problem solved!

1. And then get legal advice and seriously consider how life might be without this unfaithful, disloyal, unsupportive, selfish arse of a man.

1. While you do this, stick faithfully to step one above.

I was certain it's not OW - at least not the same one. There is no certainty anymore

You can't try hard enough to make up for the fact his heart isn't in it.

Time to call it quits.

Alot of times on here i have read if someones unfaithful there will be another. Keep your options open dont question him yet and if you do find evidence screen shot for when you see a solicitor

What fusspot said.
Also
All points that BeCool said.

It really does sound like it's time to end it.
So sorry.