DP has become a lazy parent to his son

[barkinginessex]

DSs is 6 and stays with me and DP every other weekend, he's a wonderful little boy and adores his dad.
I've noticed over the last few months that DP has been getting increasingly irritated and impatient with his DS. Little things like if he makes a mess at dinner time or is too noisy, these things never used to bother him at all.
DP seems to prefer playing on his phone to playing with his son. I notice it more now as he used to be a fantastic dad, always playing with DS and really involved in homework etc.
I feel like it's now all left to me, I help with homework and make sure it's done, I get up with him in the mornings and do his breakfast, I'm the one to suggest trips to the park etc
It's upsetting as DSs is always cuddling his dad and trying to get his attention but DP seems to have checked out parenting.
I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything yet as I know DP will think it's a personal attack.
He provides well for him, new clothes and toys and makes sure he has everything he needs for school and football club.
Sorry for the long post, any advice would really help.

Forgot to mention this weekend has been especially bad as DP is ill (just a cold) and has done nothing but lay on the sofa, he's not played with DSs once and has only just got out of bed. He just doesn't get that these years go by so quickly and before we know it DSs will be a teenager and might not want to see his dad at all!

Of course you should talk to him. You've been delegated the role of this kid's stepmother and you're entitled to your opinion. I am always concerned when I hear that someone is holding back from expressing themselves for fear of it being taken as a 'personal attack'. You should never be frightened to say what you think to your partner.

I also think that people who treat their own kids as an inconvenience are generally not very nice.....

How long have you been with DP?

We've been together 5 years & his son was one when we met so he's grown up with me in his life.
My mum made a comment a while back that started me thinking this way. She said "he's a good dad but he tires of him easily nowadays doesn't he?" So it's not just me who has noticed.

Mm. Difficult situation here. DP obviously has the capacity to be a good father as he has been doing it in the past. I think the only way to deal with this situation is to talk to him about why he's suddenly withdrawn. Wait until DP is feeling better then ask him what's going on. Make sure you arm yourself with examples. I'm sure you love your DSs but when he stays with you it is DPs responsibility to look after him. He shouldn't be leaving it all to you. Have you any children with him? If not, I would take notice now of how it might be if you have little ones with him. Good luck.

Also as cogito says you shouldn't be scared of being honest with DP. Especially as you have been together sometime.

I wonder whether you could plan yourself an afternoon out so that he has no option but to hang out with his son? It doesn't have to be for long, just a few hours. It might remind him that he can be a dad, and do a good job. Maybe they could go and do something fun together - just the two of them?

We don't have children together and there's no way I would even consider it if he continues to act this way.
Yes I think giving them alone time is a good idea, I'm sure his DS would love to have his daddy all to himself.
I'm also considering a phone / iPad ban for a few hours at weekends.
I just feel sad for DSs, to him his dad is his hero. Thanks for the advice.

Is your DP feeling resentful for any reason? Or is he, perhaps, depressed? Stressed?

iPad and IPhone ban! Be careful because you might end up parenting two children. I agree with other posters, step back and let him be the lead parent and don't be taken in with accusations of being you being unsupportive.

If you fear him getting defensive or argumentative when asked legitamet questions then you have another issue that needs addressing before having children with this man.

I hope if and when you do leave them alone together that your dp will actually take notice of his son and not continue to play on his phone etc without you there to see.

I hope the talk knocks some sense into your dp.

Your poor dss.