Online dating tips please!

[Sassy777]

I've decided to sign up but I'm not sure which websites are good and which to avoid. I have 3 young children and am worried it'll be hard to find someone...

Anyway... I've finally taken a selfie that looks ok and am working on my profile.

But it's all so scary! I've always dated friends before that I've met through uni or work. Can't imagine going on a date with someone I've never met before!

Any tips?

Avoid POF. I use OKC. I'm a bit of a reader and prefers to sieve through via profiles.

Filter the candidates that you do not wish to contact. It will scare you a little bit but if you persevere maybe you will find someone who is sincere too. Do not go for someone who won't understand you at all, or is ready for a decent relationship. Do not even consider these candidates.

I have not signed up to Match.com whereas other friends had done and had good results too. But it helps if you have an actual person or an idea of a person in mind. i.e. qualities in a guy or what type of person you want to look for. It helps narrow down the messages as it comes through.

Just be honest. Also write and mention children too. The decent responses who mention the children should be considered. The more "sane" ones actually will talk to you like normal. The nutty ones are a bit OTT, so be aware of those, and have good female friends to talk things out if it all goes a bit too much. Cos it can get quite scary and you need decent friends to ground you.

I'm on Plenty of Fish and have had a few reasonable dates via there. Match was a waste of time for me, over 450 views but hardly any decent blokes and NO dates!

Maisie is right though, the decent blokes will actually have a conversation with you whereas some will talk about 'getting dirty with you' or words to that effect.

I had a guy message me earlier called 'WellHung1234' - I didn't reply lol!

I'm on Plenty of Fish and have had a few reasonable dates via there. Match was a waste of time for me, over 450 views but hardly any decent blokes and NO dates!

Maisie is right though, the decent blokes will actually have a conversation with you whereas some will talk about 'getting dirty with you' or words to that effect.

I had a guy message me earlier called 'WellHung1234' - I didn't reply lol!

I have used POF, smooch and couple of the fb ones in the past. Think the main thing is to go into it open minded you will recieve messages off all sorts of men, dont set out to look for a relationship as such.

Try chat to the guys as much as possible before you meet up, if you have facebook adding them is a good way of seeing what the person is like, if for example hes adding loads of girls can also see what they are like as people via statuses etc but dont add them straight away!! Get a good convo going on whichever site your on. Maybe exchange numbers for txts if you feel comfortable.

Avoid any guy who quickly into convo asks for pics, tells you youve nice boobs or anything sex related. Remember dont give anyone any personal info such as adress or work place etc i know it sounds obvious but my friend had a guy pick her up from work and drive her to the pub they were having their first date during the date she felt uncomfortable because he started stroking her leg and made an excuse, luckilly he was no phsyco or anything but if he had of been he knew where to find her

Good luck

louby how on earth could you resist such a man...?!

Sassy I was only on Match. I quite liked it but a lot of that was because it encouraged me to really think about what I had to offer and what I was looking for.

I agree with the other advice. I ignored/blocked txt spk messages; negative and defeatist profiles; sex messages.

I didn't want to use one of the free ones because I was worried about chancers, players and married men, tbh, but I know that other people really like them.

I suspect different sites suit different personalities better - I know a lot of people don't like Match, but I did.

Don't forget, you can always come and join us on the Dating Thread if you like - lots of advice and experience to draw on over there...

Because you wrote that you have 3 children, then definitely use this as a "test" to the guy. See if he responds appropiately and actually relate to you in any way about children or childcare in general. You can always also use filters to find similar single parents too. Some profiles in OKC do show people as single parents. Some actually put a photo of themselves AND the kids too. It is worth considering this. It keeps it honest, and you can also check to see if there is any possible longevity and whether they can accept this fact, or know how to handle kids. This is just purely speculation on the earlier stages and days, but it will be a need if it becomes serious.

I also did protest to using online dating. I also realised that I am not very good with strangers too. So use this to your own advantage as well. Anyone writing messages to you that you cannot connect to, is not likely to be relatable. Just leave them out and filter it.

Also, do not forget to also consider just friends of friends and anyone that you happen to meet in toddler groups that are also single parent and so forth. Sometimes having a common interest is good, plus you need to find someone who is also long term, so therefore now is kind of a time to remind yourself what your interests are, and what kind of things you like. Why you like those things. Most often than not, similar hobbies actually show that you may have similar personalities.

So many different sites these days with people having such mixed experiences. I used Match and Dating Direct. Had a friend who had a terrible time with POF. One man she met up with used to call it Plenty of Fucks
Don't email/text/talk on phone for weeks and weeks before meeting up. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment when the 'connection' you think you have developed does not follow through when you meet in RL
Ignore people who send sexually explicit messages. I also ignored messages containing 'babe', 'Hun' or anything similar
People often look much better in RL compared to their photos. This can go the other way to
Develop a thick skin and don't take brush offs personally.
If someone suddenly stops messaging without a reason don't dwell on it and move on. Likewise if your messages go unanswered
Make a first date a short one.
Unless you are absolutely certain, try give someone the benefit of another date before you make your mind up.

Thanks, some great tips here!

I registered on guardian soulmates and ok Cupid last night and have had a few messages already. Haven't replied yet though!

One bloke called me gorgeous - is that a no go?!! Bit freaked out tbh as no one I know speaks like that to someone they don't know!

I met my dh on soulmates and my xp on match.com.
Best of luck to you, my biggest tip would be to be confident and meet people as soon as you feel comfortable- I met dh within a week of starting messaging each other. You build up pictures of them in your head and they are never ever what you expect, sometimes better sometimes not so good. Don't waste time mailing people for weeks. If you cant physically meet then do a phone call as soon as you feel comfortable but physical meeting so much better and you don't have to give your number. Remember the decent ones will be just as nervous as you. I met about 50 people through it in total the vast majority were decent people, about 3 were unpleasant (cocky) but none were dodgy.

Yeah ignore the guy who's calling you gorgeous already even though you probably are . There are a lot of duds on there but they're fairly easy to weed out. A good conversation opener is "how are you getting on with this online dating thing" then their response should tell you what their attitude to it is.

hi. its really good fun I found it great to have a bit of a flirt with people after an awful year last yr it helps to build your confidence again.

the dating thread is great for advice I lurk on there a lot and the thread moves really fast.

I didn't like pof. I was on match and liked it but only signed up for a paid month to start with to see how it went. I'd only been in relationships with people I was at school with before too as married to ex for 10 yrs, is never been on a real date as a adult. was all exciting and good fun.

I agree no text speak for me. I couldn't stand it if they used to/too or there/their wrong! teacher in me! I was wary of anyone wanting to meet immediately and not trying to chat first and who didn't even give their name!

I was just honest on my profile. i worried about saying I had kids on there but then did as better to be honest. I didn't reply to any messages I got from someone who i knew I wouldn't like or that were really cheesy.

on match there's an age bracket you put you are looking for. be prepared for men a lot older to contact u! I did have a 21yr old 'wink' at me too though! all good fun when nearly 37 with two kids wondering if you'll meet someone else.

have fun. if you do meet anyone make sure its a public place and you know his full name and I'd Google it. I would also let someone know where you are, date's name and phone number too.

Minime don't lurk!! Join in. It makes me paranoid when people lurk...

I was the same as you - text speak; poor grammar and spelling; anyone who described their education as "University/School of Life" (it's code for uneducated opinionated twat IME).

Unlike others I didn't want to talk on the phone or exchange numbers too soon, but I did usually meet up within 2 weeks of talking and only exchanged mobile numbers when a date was arranged for the purpose of text confirmation on the day itself.

Ignored anyone whose profile was a bit 'woe is me' or anyone who made misogynistic 'jokes' in their profile.

I just ignored anyone who messaged me but came across as a bit of a dick. However, if someone decent contacted me with a nice message I always replied with a thanks, but no thanks reply and usually said I was talking to someone already and it didn't feel right talking to more than one person at a time. It wasn't necessarily true, but I always got a nice 'thank you' reply and politeness doesn't cost anything.

When I met up I always gave a much info as I had about them: mobile number; username; email address; where I was going... to my brother and then texted him to confirm I was where I was going and when I'd got back.

In fact, I've just been overseas with my boyfriend to meet his family and did exactly the same then. I've been seeing him for about 6 months, but you can never be too careful...

folk I only lurk in a I don't think I've got much interesting to say kinda way. I just can't keep up with speed on thread but its great to see I'm not alone in this dating/new relationship thing

It's not always a pleasant place to be, is it?

If you sign up to one of these sites but then decide it's not for you, do you still get pestered or do they wipe all your profile off their records?

If you delete the account it disappears permanently, but you can suspend it instead, which means it's hidden from view but you can reactivate it at any point should you wish to do so.

Ok, thanks FolkGirl.

People are allowed to lurk!

It was a joke

I started online just 2 weeks ago. I was nervous doing it and even worse going on the first date, but it is exciting, getting to know new people and flirting is lovely after all the lonely months. I would say meet fairly early on as you do build up a picture in your head of what they're like and then could be gutted when you actually meet.
I met my first date within a week of speaking to him.

I put on my profile that I had children because I only wanted messages from men who that didn't matter too. I have had some strange messages and blocked some. I've also found that most people who've messaged me I didn't like, I seem to attract the older man. The ones I do like haven't messaged and I'm too much of a wimp to message them first.
Just see it as fun and something to get you out the house for.
Good luck.

Hey :) not new, just not been on in ages and had to start again :)
I became single again almost 4 year ago after 15 years in an unhappy relationship..i tried pof & uniform dating..uniform was paid for and the first man I arranged to meet was engaged and was due to meet me on their anniversary! haha
ive flirted with a couple of other sites like match, tinder and zoosk but never thought much of them..or maybe its just the men local to me? haha

I sometimes wonder if I should be on them at all but I work with children everyday, so don't meet adults and most of my mates are paired up so I don't have much choice :)

The most important thing I can say is take them with a pinch of salt, there are a lot on there (women too im told) who are just after hook ups and one nighters ..is fairly easy to spot them quickly gauging their profile and conversation ..another tip ..if they ask you if you KIK or whatsapp fairly quickly, theyre just going to send you pics of their little fella ;) haha steer clear!

I have had some terrible and some ok dates from pof, its passes the time when im sat bored on a night and gives me something to do on my child free nights if I fancy going out :)

..didn't know there was a dating bit on here?!