Just behaved exactly like my mum did when I was a child. Not feeling good about myself.

[Falconi]

Came from work and met MIL and DD at a shopping centre - MIL was looking after DD for me like she does sometimes when I and DH both have shifts on Sat (once every 2 or 3 months for about a year now).

After a bit of shopping came home super tired and crashed on the sofa with DD watching a few programmes we like to watch together ( I am usually very active and do loads of fun stuff but today I just didn't fancy doing nothing).

Then I served DD dinner that was already ready in the fridge and talking to DD about her day, couldn't help about criticising MIL's choices and telling her how different is her way to do thing and my way is so much better...(my mum always criticised my dad's side of the family, I grew up listening to her say bad things about them and it felt like hell)...I got so worked up that I even said that MIL was not to look after her anymore and she would never go for weekends at MIL's house, but I know both will happen again.

Now I am here isolated whilst DD is watching more TV, I haven't had a wash today, my hair looks awful and I can't believe I went out like this...also I chose the worst outfit ever and made no effort today (just like my mum is). I know it is not a big deal and I am not like this every day, but being like this today, just brings me so down.

BTW, I have plans for tomorrow, so hopefully will wake up early, have a good shower and have a different better day..

Why not start now - have a shower, clean pjs on and apologise to DD for being negative about her Grandma. Clean sheets on the bed and a lovely nights sleep. Tomorrow is a new day

BTW don't be so hard on yourself

Gosh, totally agree don't be hard on yourself, deep breath, you can do it you're a mum, there are lots of mums out there, and they're all different....if you met me you wouldn't worry about greasy hair or having bad clothes etc. I'd trump you!!!
Sleep tight. Another day and all that jazz.

Thank you ladies.
Talking about MIL to my DD was really not my finest.
Shame I can't take it back...
But I just wanted to teach DD who is 7, how is important to make good choices in life.
Should have being more tactful though, I am always just saying everything that comes in my mind, they way it comes...not a good 'skill' to have, I wish I knew how to sugar coat everything...

I think (I hope anyway as I do this with DD when I behave less well than I'd like) that there is a lot of value in just saying 'I was wrong to do that, I did it because of X Y Z but I shouldn't have done, as (in this case) Grandma is a fantastic help to us all and we love her.'

Nobody is perfect but the ability to own your mistakes/faults is a great life lesson to teach to your children.

I will try and do that big, but is a difficult step for me...
(see? my mum / dad never did it)

Don't be too hard on yourself

Do what Big said above, really try and it will go a huge way to break the cycle that you believe you're in (copying your own mum) Do it! You are not her.

In am afraid of repeating my mums behaviour when I have kids. I have spoken to my db about it who has kids and he says that he finds himself being like that. Mostly when he is tied and in the moment.

We reckon it's because it is all we have known. Even if we understand it's wrong, when you are tired and a little stress your instinct is to fall into 'habit' for want of a better word.

The plus is that you realise it and don't want to repeat the pattern so your dd doesn't have the same instincts

The mistake you will make is if you choose to ignore that you did it. You are trying to teach your dd how be an adult. And adults admit their mistakes. You need to be her role model.

I know Aussie. I have been trying so hard for 7 years and i think I am succeeding most of the time but I feel awful when I repeat my parent's patterns...happens in my marriage too.
I just hope I don't mess up DD so much like they did to me.
I was a very sensitive soul, but I sense DD is a bit tougher.

Hello Falconi, how has today gone?

Think it is great when parents tell their kids they made a mistake

It teaches them 1) that the behaviour was unskillful, 2) that we all make mistakes and 3) they can be put right

Great that you are breaking a cycle. It is hard without an example. Hope you've had a better day.

Thanks we had a really good day today!
However I couldn't back down and re-afirmed what I said about MIL's choices, however in a nicer way.