Friend went no contact

[SorrowfulSong]

A few years back a mutual (single) friend of mine and DH's confessed that he was really quite attracted to me and wanted to sleep with me. This was on a weekend away with a big group of us staying in the same house. We'd all had quite a lot to drink and me and friend were the only ones still up. Although I found him quite attractive, I told him that I loved my husband and I couldn't take him up on his offer. I told DH about it a couple of days later and he was very surprisingly calm about it all. He didn't let on to friend he knew what had been said.

A few months after that, DH suggested that we be more open with our relationship and he asked if I was still attracted to friend. I said that I was, but since that weekend away neither myself or friend had talked about what had been said. About a year later my DH text our friend from my phone as me, basically telling him that I was still attracted to him. During all this time, we had been in very frequent contact (the whole group on the original weekend) via an online programme like Skype, as we all live quite a way from each other. Friend had remained single and also was flirty on occasion with me. After this text he completely ignored me and went no contact. He then pretty much extracted himself from our group and very infrequently speaks to one friend. Our group of friends that he is in doesn't meet very often, so we'd just chat online during the week. Due to commitments of various friends this was happening less and less anyway, so his silence hasn't been so noticeable. No one knows why he's gone silent apart from me and DH.

It's been about 10 months since he went no contact and I know it sounds quite ridiculous but I miss talking to him. Even though I found him attractive I really cared for him as a friend too and I was really upset when he just cut me out of his life. At the time I was furious with DH for texting friend from my phone. DH said that he wanted to let friend know I was available in a sense, because DH and I had agreed to be more open and DH wanted me to sleep with friend if the opportunity was there still. I was agree that DH had cost not just me but our group a friend. DH apologised to me, but I find myself still annoyed with him these many months later. I didn't tell our friend that it wasn't me who text him, I just apologised to him via text and asked him to ignore the first text message. Obviously he didn't reply to either text and sometimes I wonder why he just went instantly no contact.

The one friend he does still talk to every now and again mentioned him in general conversation this week and it brought it all back. It'd be stupid to try and recoonect with friend wouldn't it? (On a purely platonic level of course!)

I'm with others in thinking your dp wasn't just being 'nice' to you when he texted your mate. That's very abnormal behaviour and it's worrying that you don't seem to see that. I wonder to what extent you're already being controlled by your dp. It seems likely that he'll be making much more use of the 'open' thing than you will.

Your friend was drunk when he propositioned you. He was embarrassed about it the next day, and regretted it (as many would do). Perhaps he didn't even remember it. Whatever, it seems certain that he didn't want to remember it, given that he walked away after receiving 'your' text. He sounds like a decent guy who made a mistake and did a stupid thing. When he got your text, he realised he couldn't stop what he'd started - not without leaving the friendship group entirely. That's normal for a guy who doesn't want to be such a philandering git as to sleep with his mate's wife.

You and your DP are going to encounter this a lot more if you carry on as you're going. People who believe in old-fashioned values will find aspects of your lives distasteful and dangerous. I wouldn't bother starting down the road of being angry with DP because he propositioned the wrong man on your behalf. You won't be able to keep it under wraps forever.

There's probably a lot more to this. Your friend likes you and said he wants to have sex with you, then when he gets the green light, he goes no contact?
The open relationship thing sounds a bit ropey too.

Firstly, ignore all the silly sods whining about how eeevil open relationships are. They can be great fun. They can go wrong but so can monogamous ones. Loads of people reject monogamy and still have happy lives.

As to your friend - if someone decides to walk away from a friendship/relationship, that's up to them. Let him go. He doesn't want to be friends any more.

One thing I would say is that most people who live open/poly/monogamy-free lifestyles tend to steer clear of starting stuff with friends who know or used to know you as monogamous. The potential fallout is a bit messy and early stages in going from a monogamous relationship to an open one are better done with hookups and/or at swingers' clubs.

agree with the others, there's nothing wrong with an open relationship if that's what you've both agreed but sounds like this has kind of come about after you told your DH that your friend was attracted to you?

DH sending a text to your friend pretending to be from you, no, no no. That is so wrong. That is not okay behaviour. I'd be apoplectic with rage if anyone did this to me. I can't believe you're okay with it OP.

If you are going to contact this friend again, please do be honest with him and tell him it wasn't you that sent that text. And have a word with your DH. WTF does he think he's playing at?! What do you want? Can you not understand why your friend has gone NC?