is it time to call it a day? couldn't stand him having kids

[nectarini1983]

Hi lovelies

Here goes....

been with husband for 9 years, married for 5. Things started off great, he was life and soul of the party and such good company, I absolutely adored him....anyway, time has passed, mtge and 2 little kids later and the party is well n truly over for me. I feel like its all gone and I resent him so much as I've grown up and he just hasn't.

he's always been a regular coke user even though he holds down a well paid job.

He's quite messed up from his childhood from absent father, rubbish mother, child from a previous relationship. He has absolutely no coping mechanism and will go round and round and over and over the same issues without ever concluding them and moving on. And im bored of it now....heard it all a million times amd sicl of repeating myself. Also concerned about the children starting to hear or absorb what he says when hes ranting.

things have got worse this year since ive gone bk to work full time as he's become obsessed with the cleanliness of the house. He will nag me as soon as I walk thru the door about how the hoovering/ washing ironing needs doing etc. Yet does nothing to help me so I still haveoto cook dinner/ wash up/ bath n stories for the children plus make lunches eyc for next day.while he sits on the sofa drinking beer.

it just feels like there must be more to life than this!?

My biggest fear about leaving him is that he would get access to the children. I couldn't bear him to have them with his drug taking/ drink driving. He uses his phone when driving constantly too which makes me cringe so I always drive when we go out as a family. I couldn't bear another woman playing step mum to my wonderful children as im sure hed bounce bk quickly.

He's definitely got mh issues but has always refused treatment. I suffered a late misc last year which devastated me and I dont think ive fogiven him for being so disinterested as this baby wasnt part of the plan ....he likes things his way or he'll sulk like a bloody child.

I think I know deep down what I've got to do for mine and the kids future but im scared and keep hoping things will get better? !?!

Yes leave. Get some advice about controlled contact with children. He's not safe if he's drug taking/dangerous driving around them. Phaps these would be grounds for him to see them only in a supervised setting like a contact centre.

Let the police know when he's drink driving. Give them the registration and make/model of car. They don't have to tell him you tipped them off. He shouldn't be driving around like this. If he's got a conviction then a court will take your worries seriously.

And yes - I have phoned the police in this way myself.

Im certainly giving it some thought.....would certianly provide some serious ammunition on the access front. Im sure he'd know it was me though somehow. As a result he'd lose his job and have no income and then, knowing him, I wouldn't be able to get him out of the house. (Joint mtge but all the investment has been mine/ my parents).

Im in a difficult position with my mum too...in that we're very close and I do tell her about his drinking and poor behaviour as she reads me kike a book n knows when somethings up. but I havent and can't tell her about the drugs. I think I know that once I tell my parents that then there's no going back as they'll never except that behaviour as the usual woes of marriage and theyll see him in a totally diff light.

what mental health problems does he has? he just sounds like a selfish cunt

Nothing confirmed by a doctor as he refuses to see anyone professional. He reckons getting on the gear is the remedy to all his problems.

But something is definitely a miss!

He likes to label himself as having an ''addictive personality" but I think that just gives him carte blanche to act however he wants and justify it in his own head.

any mental health issues he have has probably come from being on cocaine - it messes with the part of your brain that controls general mood and long term has some worrying effects.

What does it matter what your parents think of him, surely you don't want to stay with this man - it might be better if they see him for what he is as you need to get away from him - i wouldn't have my children anywhere near a drug addict. which is what he is

But id rather I was present 100% with them to protect them. Rather than him being able to take them out or have them for weekends when im not around if ever i do have the balls to leave him. It would break my heart handing them over to him every (other) weekend. I dont think i could bear it.

I know once my parents know the truth then theres no going bk.

I think you should see a solicitor - i am not sure about the legal side of it, but you could insist on supervised visits only. Whilst he sounds like a total cunt, it would be better, i guess, for the children if they did have contact with their father. I totally understand how you feel though.

I figure that he's going to be entitled to see them as hes not a total scag head and is very convincing! At least this way I feel I can sensor what happens ie hes no where near them or the house when hes up to his tricks or out with his mates. . He's out right now...popped out for a 'quick pint' at 2pm his afternoon. He'll roll in in the early hours now.... it was 6.30 am on good friday. I dont care... at least im not having to listen to gtis bullshit.

if he had them to himself then he can do whatever he wants with them in tow...and that's what stops me from doing anything.

im stuck here!