DD has noticed I'm cold to DH and I feel awful

[NoraFatimaBuffet]

I heard her being really disrespectful to him at bedtime, really shouting at him to get out of her room and talking back using a nasty tone of voice more like a teenager than a 7 yo. So I told her off (because DH was letting her behave like that to him - I did leave him to it for ten mins, but couldn't ignore it). Explained that her behaviour was unkind and that I love DH and will not let her talk to him like that. She shouted back 'So why do you never say you love him, and why do you two argue?'

I do snap at DH but not full on rowing. And I'm not sure how I feel about him. We are just housemates almost, apart from both loving the DC. I've been trying to hide this and avoid thinking about it partly because he has had some MH issues lately and needs me for support so not the time for a frank talk, and mostly because I'm a coward and it's easier to carry on. I'm ashamed DD has actually noticed. Feel a bit sick in fact. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Could reallydo with some advice/perspective.

You cannot stay together purely for the sake of the children and they won't thank you for grimly carrying on for them. Children are all too perceptive with regards to their parents ongoing marital woes/war with each other and what she said to you likely hit home. She has stated what you likely did not want to voice aloud.

You are still not responsible for your DH when all is said and done; he is primarily responsible for his own self. You could well be seen as codependent which is not a healthy state at all in a relationship.

Would you want to separate particularly as you and he are almost housemates?. Would you now consider seeking legal advice regarding your legal position within this marriage?.

Your marriage is definitely something you need to address but I would also suggest that your seven year old has managed to put you and your dh in your place in the space of about 10 mins. It must be scary for her to have that much power in the house and I think you need to rebalance that ASAP.

Divorce him and move on. You both deserve better.

Your daughter is seven and doesn't understand adult relationships. If only saying I love you and never rowing solved everything! I wouldn't read much into her very simplistic and brief view.

I'd echo what a poster says above about her being very rude to both you and DP.

If you want to make things better with your DP you can, but you don't have to.

Perhaps the relationship that needs immediate work on though is the one you both have with your daughter.

Is he not her father?

Thanks for replying. Maybe I was particularly tired last night, but velvet's comment makes sense today. And I didn't let on at the time to DD that I was upset, but I did explain how her behaviour was wrong, she apologised to DH, and missed out on the usual nighttime story as a consequence. So I feel her boundaries were correctly set. I'm not really sure why I started the thread now, but it feels like admitting to myself the relationship issues do exist and need to be faced. Will now trawl mn for advice. Sorry this is such a non-thread but it has helped.