My children don't have a special relationship with their grandparents. I don't think they ever will.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

My children are 8, 6 and 2.

They have 4 grandparents, all in their 60s.

None of the grandparents have particularly close relationships with other grandchildren. They are all good people. No dramas or excitement or busy lives. Just jam making and tomato growing.

None of them could tell you my children's favourite colour, or their best friends name, or anything about them really. They are perfectly kind but not especially interested.

Isn't it sad that none of my children will ever know that special grandparent bond because no one is particularly bothered?

I adored my granny. I loved her and I miss her. My kids won't have that. They struggle to name their grandparents.

3 of my grandparents were dead by the time i was 8.

i never had a particularly close bond with the remaining one because she didn't like me that much (preferred boys you see)

is it sad? i don't know! i guess it's sad in your case because you have the grandparents and they just don't seem to want that close relationship, but I don't think it necessarily has to be sad for your children because they don't know what they're missing and because they will hopefully have close bonds with other family members/friends instead?

if you feel very strongly about it is there anything you could do to improve the relationship? we have sunday dinner with my parents every week for example, so my own children are very close to them.

honestly though, i don't feel I have missed out on anything by not having a close relationship with grandparents...

It's a shame of course.
My DC are really fond of their grandma and loved their grandad although he died several years ago. Grandma lives a couple of hours away so they don't see her much.
But their other grandparents are in their early 60s and live 10inutes from here but they have seen them once in the last decade .
People are odd really.

But tbh your DC will not miss a relationship they never had.

My Children don't either. My parents moved to another country 8 yrs ago. They can't afford to come back to visit and I can't afford to take 4 dc to visit them. I feel sad and that they are missing out.
DDs grandparents in XPs side, have nothing to do with DDs. DDs wouldn't know them if they passed in the street!
DSs see their gran every fri/sat when they go to their dad's.

You never know OP, things might change. Your kids will grow up & have more in common with their grandees after all. I had about 18 months of regular letter writing with one of my grandpas when I was in my late 20s, we'd never been close before.

I was youngest grandchild on one side & eldest grandchild on the other side.
So mom's parents were frail & novelty of having grandchildren had worn off.
Dad's parents were still busy raising their own young kids.

I survived. It was curious when I heard about people being close with grandparents, but I didn't feel I was missing out.

I understand how u are feeling. I think as another poster said though your dcs don't know any different though so its not like they had it taken from them. its just that you know as u had it. I did too and miss all my grandparents but especially my grandma and grandad everyday.

my dcs are very lucky as my parents are involved in their daily care and we are very close. but on my ex side their nanny has Alzheimer's and has always been that way to them. which is very sad. but in a way its easier for them as they didn't know her before which is such a shame though.

I agree too with poster who said maybe as they get older they will have more they can share and do together, like the jam making.

Some people don't like little kids. I'm not overly fond of babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers.

My mother didn't even bother to meet my second dd til she was 7 months old .

When ex moved out she turned up and has been a semi
Permanent fixture for over 2 yrs. kids love her - she's currently making curtains for their (play) shed .

She tried her best to parent me and my siblings but she struggled . Violet father left his mark in her mental state and she never really recovered. So I don't really like her , but I realise my DDs are benefitting .

I only liked my maternal grandfather but he died when I was 4. The other GPs were not nice (I was scared stiff of my GM).

Maybe it's easier for her to get on with my DDs as they are older ( 9 & 5) and can chat and interact. How old are your Dc's? Do they ever go to GPs house without you being there? Making jam and growing tomatoes can be fun - what would they say if you asked them if Dc's could join in?

I wouldnt worry. I wasnt particularly close to any of my grandparents growing up, although my nan and my sister had a fantastic bond. I dont think it made any real difference for me and my life in general.

I don't think you need to be sad. You had something that you cherished in your childhood but your children won't regret what they have never had. As said this may change in the future anyway.

Maybe one day they will think it was terribly sad that you didn't have angry birds/One Direction/inspirational english teacher in your childhood.

I doubt most grandparents know what their GC's fave colours are or friends are called.

I had close relationships with both my grandmothers growing up. Until I became an adult and found out the type of people that they really were. it really clouded the memories I had, and made them all seem a lie.

In contrast until last year my 2 dds (11 and 7) had a close relationship with my mum. I'm NC with her now and don't let them see her (and they do keep asking why). They don't have a relationship with MIL either as after an abusive childhood DH is NC with her. They are close to my dad though which I'm happy about, he knows what their favourite colours are, favourite TV shows and their best friends names.

My DSD has a very close relationship with her grandmother (her mum's mum), I wish that I'd known that type of relationship with my nans and that my dds did with my own mum, but it doesn't always work out like that unfortunately.

I grew up in care, I have no family. My three teens had Dhs mum, she very clearly didn't like typical children, my three have autism so they were ignored for the most part, when DH became terminal MIL became abusive in every way possible, we've had NC for almost 6 years, they were last seen and heard kicking off at DHs funeral. You can see why we are NC.
I wish we could adopt a gran.

I was never close to grand parents and aunts and uncles when growing up due to geography. Something that did upset and I was quite jealous of friends at the time. My husband was not close to his grandparents but his children where brought up to be close to grandparents but much to his disappointment aren't now. My husband has 9 grand children and we are only allowed to see 2 of them. For the first time ever we stayed at theirs for easter we are not allowed at Christmas or anything like that. And at 7 am on Sunday morning they had climbed into bed with us and we where eating chocolate and reading stories but I still feel that we are not part of the family sometimes. It is hard as my husband does not want them to be too overfamilier and staying every weekend or expecting a regular timetable for visits. He did his share in bringing up their parent and does not think he did a very good job of it and therefore does not want it to affect the GC. He enjoyed the weekend very much butbis still not completely open with them and therefore they are wary of him. He loves them but is not completely comfortable with the child care aspect at the moment.

Have you considered taking the initiative and engineering opportunities for them to be together, share experiences? Why do you think the adults aren't bothered, do they live a long way from you? Are there other grandchildren in the family?

I spent summers and most winters with both sets of grandparents. But that didn't make me any closer to them or cherish time spent. It was always awkward and boring and my brother and I spent most of the time playing with other children from the village. When they passed around my teen years (and by then it was not something I wanted to do anyway, go and see them) I didn't really feel much. I was sad but not in a deep depression or anything.

My dh was extremely close to his maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather as he went to their houses every day as a child and most days as a teenager. And as an only child was spoilt rotten.

We have our first dc on the way imminently and have argued over how much contact the baby should have. His family are used to all living in each others pockets whilst mine are spread out all over the world. It doesn't mean we aren't any closer than his and I prefer it as there is less interference

I'm deeply uncomfortable about allowing my dc to spend too much time with his parents. It's our job to parent and be the main influence, not leaving the baby there to work all hours of the day and never see the child. I don't want someone else rearing my child in the way my dh had.

Grandparents for me are there for fun and giggles and spoliling children. I think my pil will be like this but my own mum doesn't have a maternal bone in her body and my stepdad is uninterested in children until they can talk so I don't really see the doting grandparents there and I'm OK with that.

As it turns out we are now moving so the amount of time spent with grandparents issue becomes a moot point. Mil is proving to be quite ott about this grandchild thing so I am actually very relieved.

And as children get older they determine the type of relationship they want to have anyway. Your kids won't miss what they never had.

To know your DGC's friends you would have to live very closeby so that you saw them coming home from school or on play dates. But normally if DGC is on play date you aren't around. And I doubt if I'll know or care about DGC's fav colour.

My DCs had nice relationship with Granny who they saw a couple of times a year.

I'd be careful of projecting or making assumptions. My DM, if you asked her, would tell you that my late grandmother (her MIL) was very distant & preoccupied when we were young. Never offered to babysit, for example and we never spent the night at her house. Nevertheless, as I got a lot older (20's and 30's), I found that we had a lot in common. We would call each other quite often, have terrific chats, and I miss her every day.

By contrast, DM is a very 'in your face' grandmother for DS and has been very involved in his life from birth. He can't stand her at all.

Read into that what you will. :)

One of my Grans wasn't good with children, I didn't really like her as a child as I got older I got to know her more and we were very close before she died.

I didn't have my sort of relationships with any of my grandparents but I wasn't really bothered until I saw the relationships my children have with their GP's, which is lovely.
It's sad but you can't force these things

How much should you push your desire to have a relationship with your first gc if the parents dont seem to want you to be involved. Ineveitably you quietly blame the d in l because it hurts to think that your own son feels this way. He had a good relationship with his gm right up to her death. The only one of the grandparents alive when he was young. A suggestion of moving closer an hour away rather than 5 hours did not meet with much enthusiasm. At the moment as a grandma my sons come up about twice a year and I go down to them about twice a year which is not enough I think to build a relationship with a gc. On the other hand it would be a wrench to leave friends and activities here. I would prefer not to be involved in tension between the parents if that is likely to occur