needing moral support!

[anybodyreally]

After a horrendous past couple of days I am tonight having the "I want a divorce" conversation with EA DH. All would be ok if I felt as bad as I did last night but he knows how bad things are, having managed to find and read all or maybe all of my posts from through the yesterday and as a result he's being kind and soft and caring. So scared I'm going to lose my nerve and be back here in 2months time. Needing some encouragement. Please?!

Kind and caring is all part of the cycle.

We tend to think it means they've learned their lesson, and that they'll never be awful to us again.

But really, only time separates you from the next dose of abuse. So will you have the conversation now....or later?
Hold your nerve if you can.

Courage! Emotional bullies are perfectly capable of being 'kind, soft and caring' when they are backed into a corner. Try to see it for the cynical crap it actually is and maybe make a list for yourself of the horrendous stuff of the last couple of days and previously. Reading your posts sounds like it goes top of the list.

You don't have to say why you want a divorce, you know. You don't even have to have a conversation. Tell him very simply that it's not working, you're talking to a solicitor and then tell him to leave... or leave yourself, I don't know the set-up. The less you say, the less he'll be able to come back at you.

BTW.... if he follows the script he will quickly forget 'kind, soft and caring' and you'll get things like 'anger', 'guilt tripping' & 'threats' (taking the kids, leaving you penniless, committing suicide). Good luck

We have 3DC so being all polite n nice till they go to bed. Shaking just thinking about it.

I bet it's nerves. You'll feel better once you've said what's on your mind.

But won't he already know, having read the thread?

You have to remember you are not asking him (permission) you are telling him. He can shout, cry, stamp his feet and threaten all sorts but he isn't going to change what you want/need to happen.

So sorry about the confusing PM's earlier I've been worried that you have not gotten the support you need because of it.

Don't worry lb, not posted as been busy with dcs. Feeling numb n terrified but uv felt incredibly supported by all here so my thanks go out to you.

I have felt incredibly supported - sorry

We'll dcs on way to bed - here goes...
Been sat watching film together thinking they all think everything is fine when I have this bombshell I'm going to drop and ruin all their lives - feel so wretched n selfish but know I need to follow through.

I had the "talk" a few weeks back and felt exactly the same so can sympathise totally.
Unfortunately my DH treated the whole thing as a joke so had to resort to getting the ball rolling myself.
Saw my solicitor today who will be sending him a letter informing him of my intent to divorce.
Am dreading the fallout when he opens it

Hope you're ok any

hope it went ok, OP. come back here if / when you need support - lots of people on here have been through it x

Hope you held your nerve OP and managed to follow through. It's not wretched or selfish to be assertive.

LINK

Anybodyreally has asked me to link her previous thread so people can read it if they want to, but please don't link the other way as she has namechanged in the hope her 'D'H wont find this thread.

LINK HERE

Whenever I used to 'wobble' with ea ex I used to pull out my mental list of horrendous comments he's said/times he'd let me down/mentally tortured me. The wobbles soon vanished after a few minutes reflection on 'my list'.