Hello, I don't post often, but I do find the comments on other people's threads really helpful, and helped me a lot when end my relationship recently ended. I would really appreciate your perspective on why I feel so bad now, and what I should do, if anything.
I was with my partner for about three years. We met via online dating, and it was initially a long distance relationship.
He moved in with me - I had some misgivings beforehand, he persuaded me to try it for three months. He stayed for a year then got his own place. I'd go over after work and stay over a few times a week. I was away one weekend a month, doing a diploma course, staying with my sister. The relationship improved but there were still some difficulties. To cut a long story short, we split up about six weeks ago. This was kind of initiated by him but I agreed it was a good idea, as I think we were emotionally incompatible. We were both sad, and thought we could stay friends. We had a little communication since and met once for coffee, which was OK.
Three weeks later I had a phone call from him late one night. He was very angry, saying that he had just been back onto the dating site that we had both used to meet (OK Cupid) and had seen that I had last been logged into the site in December. I had, it was around checking that I hadn't left unwanted info on the site, that my photo wasn't still there. I explained this, and that I hadn't been looking for anything, hadn't looked at any profiles, and had just been relieved I didn't have to do that any more. He was very upset and angry, didn't believe me, said that as I'd "been on dating sites" he now realised that when I said I had been on courses I'd actually been being unfaithul to him. There was no truth in this at all - I generally like to have time for myself, and like to work towards learning new things, which he always thought was strange. The last thing I would have wanted was someone else. He was the only person I considered dating or had serious conversations with when I was on the dating site.
He couldn't listen, said I was "trying to get my excuses right", and that of course I would deny it, that was just what his ex did and it turned out she was cheating on him. He was cold, sneering and horrible during the conversation, said he wanted no further contact and that he would contact me in a few weeks to collect my things. He did, last weekend, I collected my stuff, and he was cold and distant. He seems to really believe that I did wrong, such that I am questioning myself as to whether I did something wrong. I know I probably didn't spend as much time with him as he would have liked, as I often found it stressful. I just feel so upset about it - I keep crying, FFS! I feel that he has rewritten the story of our relationsip, such that rather than it being a good relationship with some problems, it was something awful. I am upset that he is upset and angry. I have been wondering whether to try again to talk to him and explain, or to send him a letter, but I don't know if that will get anywhere or just make things worse.
I know I shouldn't feel so bad, as I know that the relationship ending was the right thing. I'd be very grateful for any thoughts - should I do anything, how do I stop feeling so bad?
Thank you!