please guess why my dad doesn't care

[LiberalLibertine]

Hi, brief back story, my dad was in the army, he didn't meet me until I was 9 months old (my mum blames this ) I have an older brother 2 years older, who has a great relationship with our dad.

My dad was and probably still is an alcoholic, his mother died when he was 12 and his dad was uncaring, he got out as fast as he could from his family home.

Anyway, we've always had a relationship where I would do anything for his approval/affection/attention, including being a tear away etc.

When my first was born (his first gc) he came to the hospital, and said I'd see a lot of him now the baby was here, and I did, for about 2 years. Then he went back to not caring, or ringing for months on end, even though he rings my brother every day!?!

It's been nearly 6 months since I heard from him, as I decided not to chase him and see what he did, now I know, nothing.

It's making my heart, my mum thinks I should let it go, but I find it so hard, I'm 40 ffs why can't I tell him to fuck the fuck off?

Thanks for reading, and for any insight you may have.

Thanks caz I'm lucky my mam is a wonderful person and parent.
I'm lucky in loads of ways actually, guess I need to let go, I'll get there, thank you all for being so lovely, and as always so fucking wise! X

The important thing to remember that these are his issues, not yours, however you intend to take your relationship forward.

This thread has really helped, it's all things I've thought anyway, but with the emotional hand wringing and self blame thrown in.

I feel much happier going forward without him in my life now,I could say I'd be cool accepting what he can give me, but if he constantly let the kids down I know I couldn't cope with that, so it's made my mind up, thankfully.