End of tether with exh....

[FTS123]

My STBXH is insisting that he meets my DP of nearly a year for "a chat". Why is there any need for this? He says any decent bloke would meet up so he could put the dad's mind at rest...

My DP hates him because early in our relationship my ex suggested he was a paedophile and/or a wife beater. He ranted on and on about getting police checks to look into his background getting injunctions to keep him away from my children and with absolutely no basis whatsoever. (He was very angry and hurt that I ended our marriage)

Stupid phone, posted too early! DP refuses to meet ex again until he gets an apology for being called a paedophile and I am stuck in the middle and feeling very stressed about it! Just to be clear, I have no worries about DP and my exh's claims but I just want a peaceful life! I don't see the need for them tone "friends" and neither does DP. Aaaaaaarrrgh!

Say no and mean it!

There is absolutely no need for any kind of contact between these two men. If everyone was amicable it might be different but the situation you describe with the history of antagonism sounds like a recipe for disaster. Do not get upset about it but tell them both there will be no meeting, no 'chats' and no more contact. End of conversation.

That sounds so simple! I'm just trying to keep the peace, and thought maybe if the air was cleared we could all get on with our own lives and stay seperate!

So if your ex were to meet somebody else his first port of call would be to bring her round your house to have a chat and you can sound her out? Thought not.

Tell him to jog on.

Your ex does not mean to clear the air at this proposed meeting. Once you've done it he'll be on to the next thing, and then the thing after that.

What Cogito said - no chats and no contact between him and you except to arrange childcare. There is no peace to keep here and you will only end up exhausted trying to do it.

Vodkajelly - I've met his gf but I already knew her but you're right I wouldn't expect to meet her.

Kundry - you're right too! The next thing etc etc

Think I will tell DP and if he gets a phone call he can tell him to bog off!

Thanks!

Your ex doesn't want to clear the air, he wants to perpetuate the conflict and make you and DP's life uncomfortable. He may even be harbouring fantasies that he can split you up, You and DP therefore need to close ranks, work as a team, see through his little game and deny him that opportunity. No contact, no apologies, no 'chats, no nothing.

No tell him it's not happening then do not engage in any further discussion about it.

A very good friend of mine had this. Ended relationship, new partner accused by ex of all sorts of stuff (similar accusations to OP) . Issues over contact, maintenance, abuse etc. New stepdad very actively involved (positively) in DC lives. Recently something happened to a mutual friend and it impacted both my friend and her ex emotionally. Since then new DH has helped ex with bits, has done contact drop offs. The hostility has died away for now. This has taken about 6 years to get to this point. The DH ignored the accusations - he knew they were nonsense. So perhaps no meeting up now but their paths will cross at some time. I do think your DP is stoking up the issue further by wanting an apology. Can't he just ignore it?

Why are you letting STBx yank your chain? He's your ex (nearly) so your life, your man, your doings - nothing to do with him. End of.
He should not be contacting you about anything other than the dc.

As PP says, 'say No'. Mean No. Ignore thereafter.

It seems to me that your ex is very insecure despite all the puffing out of chests. Perhaps jealous too, in that, he just doesn't like seeing another man in a position that he used to be in, if that makes sense.

He can't say that meeting up is the decent thing to do and then start making up horrific accusations because that certainly isn't decent.

I'd steer well clear of a 'chat'. And like a precious poster said, close ranks with your partner and not let this become an issue between the two of you.
Good luck with everything x