Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so depressed and don't what to do

4 replies

georgie81 · 24/04/2014 11:49

Ok I have been with and lived with the other half for ten years now. We have two children. 9 year old girl and 5 year old boy. Many many things about our relationship make me unhappy. I can not remember the last time I went a full day without it crossing my mind to end it...

The trouble is I am scared, feel guilty and lost as to how I go about it.. We have split once before for 48 hours and he rang me crying I agreed to him coming to talk and he didn't leave. I feel bad on the kids, yet I know they are suffering because of our dysfunctional relationship, especially our daughter who gets shouted at by him in his constant moods. I have asked him to go, told him I am unhappy, he just ignores me.

He doesn't provide or help around the house. And due to his lazy, unmotivated attitude has got us in thousands of pounds of debt. I am ready to go back to work but fearful as 1 he won't run the house and two I will be working for him to sit on his but and be horrid to me.

The worst thing is we claim jointly for benefits and share the tenancy on the flat. Also when we argue disagree he uses the children by telling them how bad and wrong I am, so is likely to do it during the break up. I know I have to do it but how do I find the strength? I want to run and start again but don't want to uproot the kids(we've moved 7 times since birth of our daughter)and need the flat with its low housing association rent in order to be able to go back to work full and provide for myself and our two children.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 24/04/2014 11:55

Talk to the ha and get him taken off the tenancy. Find a solicitor that will give you a free half hour consultation. Get advice on here first so you have a list of pertinent questions. Call women's aid. Tbh unprooting the kids might be better than staying but agree that you dont want to give up security of ha house

georgie81 · 24/04/2014 12:17

Have been going in circles over this for years but last few months it's got so bad. We have been here so many times before and I am so tired of it. I have worked so hard in our relationship and had more jobs then him, yet have always ran the house too. It's been exhausting, am so scared of going back to work because of this, yet also desperate to as kids are now in full time school with plenty of after school club options available if needed...he just acts as though this is all perfectly normal :-(

OP posts:
georgie81 · 24/04/2014 12:21

I also do the lion share for the children and him. He is like having a third child. All he really does is help with school run an takes them out occasionally.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/04/2014 18:23

What I'd say to you is not to wait to 'find the strength'. Do whatever it takes to get yourself a job, get shot of him, harden your heart to the inevitable sob-story so you're not suckered in like last time and promise your kids that it'll be the last time you move for a while. Do you have friends or family that you can call on for support? Are you married (and in need of a divorce)?

Once you're away from him I expect your strength will magically return... Good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread