How do you deal with someone that doesn't seem to like you?

[floraldora]

I have a close friend that I've been friends with for over 20 years; we were at secondary school together. We're good friends but we're not inseparable.

About 2 years ago my friend became good friends with another woman, whom she met through the school that her DC goes to. The woman's child is in the same year as my friend's child.

Since they became good friends, my friend has often brought this other woman along when we meet up. Which is fine, because the more the merrier and all that. However there's often a bit of a vibe that this other woman just doesn't like me. It's really hard to put my finger on it, but there is a definite frostiness from her, and I'm really unsure about how to deal with it.

For example, when we're all chatting she is always very "off" with me, whilst at the same time being warm and friendly towards me friend. I'll ask her a question and get a one word answer, or sometimes she'll take the mickey quite nastily out of something I've talked about and then explode in peals of laughter, whilst looking at my friend. I am a warm, friendly, chatty person, and I always try to treat people like I would like to be treated myself, so I don't think I'm coming across as aloof or unfriendly or anything like that.

Generally if ever there is anyone else there, she is always nice to them but is just so frosty with me. We are facebook friends and I make an effort to like and comment on her photos and statuses when I go on there, but she has never once commented on or liked anything of mine. I know Facebook is rubbish and not a true indication of real life, however she is on there all the time and I see on my newsfeed that she is very active on there and chatty and friendly, yet she snubs me.

I am really at a loss as to why she is like this. The only thing that I can think of, is that my friend has form for being bitchy about others behind their backs (she has been a bit bitchy about this woman's size/weight behind her back in the past), and that this woman has decided that she doesn't like me because my friend has bitched about me. I've always kind of turned a blind eye to my friend's bitching and just assumed she doesn't do it about me, but she must, as she does it about others, surely?

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with the woman that doesn't seem to like me? Should I tackle her?

Oh old grandma makes me feel happy you found happiness twice

What a jealous, bitter twisted, cunt she is and him

I love Clint Eastwood pwoarrr

oldgrandma what a pair of dicks!

Misery loves company, eh? Delighted they're stuck together. They obviously deserve each other!

I've known a few people like her. I had lovely friend from Trinidad. She was what you might call a good school gate friend. We would often do the school run together and very occasionally meet for coffee etc. Her " friend" took exception to this and would do everything in her power to intervene if we were talking. She was an out and out racist and hated anyone white ,strange' given that she was half white herself. One morning I was taking with a very handsome Indian Dad. We were very good friends; he and his ( white wife, often met up for days out with the children/parties etc.) she suddenly strode up to him, practically wrapped herself around him and announced " Hello Del, is this woman bothering you?" At which point both me and " Del" were nearly pissing ourselves laughing. I used to call her ( and her cronies) The Black Crows, but it turned out they all hated her guts.She had this thing about playing the " race card" but it was lost on us liberal Wolfrunians.

1. Unfollow the catty friend she doesnt like you, she's jealous and a bit of a dick really
2. Arrange to see your original friend without the catty one around but dont explain why, you can be friends on your own terms

After thirty of years of being super nice to people that are horrible to me in the hope that they'll start liking me I have learned one important thing...............They Won't. In fact they'll probably despise you more and display it more because they perceive you to be weak.

So you do right back to them what they're doing to you. If she speaks cut across her, show no interest, actually look disinterested, ask what she means loudly and clearly when she makes smarmy comments, avoid talking to her without actually ignoring her.

And u would also be suspicious of your "friend" too.

Oh and block her immediately on FB.

Agree with nickifury. I've come to the same realisation and it's actually very liberating.

She sees you as competition, she's being a cow. Don't pander to it, you don't need to.

For the first time, I am ok with the fact that not everyone likes me. Happily most people seem to (modest emoticon!) but the ones who don't are generally the humourless or bitchy types who I'm not bothered about anyway. It's a win win.

Liberallibertines suggestion is ace and something I'd like to hope I would do but would probably not have the guts to do and then regret not doing later once thing's get even worse iyswim. She is right though life is too short. Mostly with other women though it's jealousy so you should just accept that as her motive and give up trying to understand or make her like you as others have pointed out it won't work. Get New friends.

Agree ^^ also. There are some people whose approval shouldn't matter as they are twats

When there are people in your life who are not true friends, let them go in order to create space for new, better friends.

When people are disrespecting you, do not engage with them.

I would also distance myself from the "good" friend. As a PP said, if she truly is a friend worth having, she will seek out your company.

Just let go. God has a plan for your little life; indeed, all of our little lives

I have learnt in life that if a friend berates their other friends to you then they are likely doing exactly the same about you as well!

Pair of Frot ferrets!

Before I even clicked on this, I wondered if you NEED this woman to like you. And the answer is............ you don't. Let her get on with not liking you. Meanwhile, take a step back and stop trying to please.