I really do not know where to start so I will just dive right in,
My d h parents psychologically neglected and physically Abused him as well as telling him from being very young he had a terrible memory , was evil a mistake (at a speech in front of 600 people) and worst of all did nothing when he was sexually abused by a family friend in fact his dad brought the abuser home when d h was there a couple of years later (after finding out what happened to him)
All his mum could say was please don't start a fuss!
He also had his mum cry on his shoulder day in day out for years as well as having to look after her when drunk (she would fall over play dead to mess with him)
When ds almost died aged one after doctors screwed up his diagnosis spectacularly they phoned d h and said it was all his fault and he would be more careful next time) nothing said to me as I'm feisty and would have kicked arse there and then. He didn't tell me this for a while after because he did not want to upset me further.
Dh went on to have a mental breakdown and everything about his past came out , to say I was shocked is somewhat of an understatement (these people are the masters of the kind loving concerned parents in public)
Not only have they denied everything they have tried telling me he is delusional they have completely trashed his name amongst all family friends the list goes on and on.
The worst thing is it seems like they really want us to break up I get the horrible feeling it would give them pleasure to see him with nothing (or get him back to continue the abuse)
I have even thought they want our d s as they often say things like this one should be mine and I love him as if he were my own child (even though I have said many times I do not like this)
D h mental health is getting better all the time but still odd relapse although nothing like before now he is well when he disagrees with them (normally over how they treat our ds , he is now being held up as the family golden child and they tell him they love him too much to ever dislipline him and we are far to strict, we're not at all) they say your just paranoid or your a narcissist or whatever they can use against him from his mental health diagnosis . This is causing him to question his sanity and is knocking him back every time he gets up.
D h has finally said he realises how horrendous he was treated , he says he has no idea who he is or what he wants as he was never ever allowed to make decisions for himself, even now his mum will order his lunch for him without asking what he wants then when he pulls her up on it she says
But your not well you can't make decisions, understanbly this humiliates and infuriates d h.
There is so much more this is tip off iceberg and now the scales have fallen off d h eyes he is devastated (he was in extreme denial before)
How do I support him from this and how can I handle in laws amd the fallout when we tell them this is the end ?
I feel like I'm going crazy with all the madness and mind games !