Your Baby - Thats all you wanted from me *fuming*

[julezboo]

hiya ladies

Im so upset today, my not so wonderful dp last night basically came out and told me once this baby gets here ours lives will "end as we know it" and if that wasnt bad enough he then said "well its your baby, its all you wanted me for isnt it"

I am fuming, I slept on the couch last night, Im ill, I have swollen glands, sore throat, temprature, cold and to top that off I was taken into hospital for an emergency scan yesterday afternoon after more spotting. He is so fuckin selfish lately its unbelievable. I cant believe he keeps making these comments.

For a start, from dec to mar this year we have lost 3 babies, so he knows how easily we get pregnant, (just have trouble holding onto them ) I wanted to wait, but we fell by accident on holiday, so we both made this baby. I can understand him not being excited because Im the same but to make comments like that?!?

He spends his half an hour before work snapping at me, then he comes home, doesnt say to words to me and when he does its usually gone 9pm and hes snapping again. Im so sick of his shit I have enough to deal with, its his first baby so understandable hes nervous and scared, but we already have a four year old in the house (from my previous relationship) so life isnt gonna be that much different. Why does he keep upsetting me like this, implying that i used him to get pregnant

he sounds scared. maybe h feels you are going to reject him once the baby is here. how were things before you fell pregnant?

what was he like before you were trying for a baby?

He may actually be really scared of losing this baby too and is protecting himself by creating distance. Not particularly helpful or mature, but understandable. Has he had the opportunity to really talk about losing the other babies and how it has affected him?
Perhaps you both need a wee bit of time out to collect your thoughts a bit. Could you go and stay with a friend for a couple of days?

It's not just women who go through emotional turmoil (hormones, panic etc) when they're pregnant. I was cool as a cucumber compared to dd's father. He was so emotionally unbalanced and demanding that I couldn't imagine life with him and the baby. "You don't really love me, you don't love me the way I love you" etc. In the end I married someone else instead. Honestly you aren't alone. Men can get as overwhelmed and panicky about the whole thing as women.

Dd's father even got morning sickness - which I never had.

Sorry you're having to go through this. You expect the man to be strong and reliable at times like this but unfortunately they aren't all up to it. Dd's father was ok after the birth though (mind you I was with dh by then anyway). Hope it all comes right soon. Don't have any advice really but I do know how you feel.

Pretty much the same because he was unhappy living 200 miles away from home, but 6 weeks ago we both moved back to where hes from, he went back to his old Job and I suggested it to make him happier. Things just seem to have gotten worse since coming back down here.

My take on things.

You have already managed to produce one healthy child. He so far has not.

Therefore in the wierd mental proceses of a man it is probably something to do with him that is causing the miscarriages. He is probably worried you are going to lose another baby and that it is him/his fault.

Hope that makes some sense. (-:

Could it be he's scared? That he has put up barriers "just in case" (god forbid)

DH hardly showed any emotion towards our baby in the first few months after we found out we were expecting, so little in fact that I left him as I was convinced he didn't want it.

he did want it and we sorted it out fairly quickly after he realised how "blind" he had been. (not suggesting you should try this at all).

Just trying to say that after all you have both been thru, it is understandable that you both feel an array of emotions.

xx

and I sould have said, that although YOU already have a child, this is HIS first.

i would agree he has fear issues.
even though you have a child in the house already, this one will be his if you know what i mean. (no offence intended in any way. x)

thanks ladies

Katlean - we know its me and my silly blood causing the miscarraiges, i have a blood clotting disorder. So its not that, he admitted in an email hes scared but he knows hes wrong saying what he is, im just off to meet him for lunch x x x thanks againx x